teh unb34r4bL3 L337n3ss 0f b3in6

today's musical inclination: Audioslave - Shadow on the Sun
-"And I can tell you why people go insane
And I can show you how you could do the same
And I can tell you why the end will never come
And I can tell you I'm a shadow on the sun"
------------------------------
"Hindi kami mga nerd. Promise!"
"We're not your typical nerds, at least, not your home-school-home nerds."
"There are no nerds here, just lots of cute guys and girls!"

These are some lines that I remember from the several different org brochures that were pimped to me by some pitiful mem, who most likely lost at "maiba mang-aalok," during my first couple of weeks at UP. Apparently, the market for nerds grows thin. It has to be if they take such great measures to show that no one in their circle is a nerd, right?

But my question is this: what's wrong with being a nerd?

I admit it. I am a bona fide nerd. I play video games, single-player RPGs especially, I have participated in a pen-and-paper RPG, I like using the PC, I watch Star Trek, I enjoy Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, and I used to play a Collectible Card Battle Game (Pokémon, not Yu-Gi-Oh!, though I enjoyed the latter's animé version quite a bit). I am physically depraved, I enjoy reading, I like being alone and I study before exams (not too hard though; I've never ever had to cram at full force in my life). These are the things that I have fun with. Is that so wrong?

This is who I am, and I have accepted that. These things are what I enjoy; why should I be persecuted for that? Why do you roll your eyes when I go on about dilithium crystal matrices, 5-turn game-ending combos and hot elven chicks (oops)? I certainly don't give you any guff about watching the PBA, listening to 90.7 Love Radio or your penchant for hot elven chicks (I really should stop with that), do I?

I refuse to conform to a certain societal standard of what a "normal" person should be like. What's so great about being "normal" anyway? What is individuality if you end up being just like everyone else? News flash people: "normal" is just a polite way of saying "mediocre." You live and die with the fads. You exist exactly as the powers that be have intended you to. Between you and me, I'm the happy one.

If it were just a matter of my being different then I would have just let this topic be; it's everyone else's loss. But, as previously stated, it pains me to see my fellow peyupsters denying their true nature. Come on, get real will ya? You can't be in UP and not be nerdy to a certain extent. If you weren't nerdy beforehand, you will be afterwards because this "skill" is essential for survival. Your only problem is that you have let yourself be deluded by our society's skewed perspective of what a person ought to be. You have decided to let everyone else dictate who you should be, when in fact that choice is entirely up to you. You decide who you are, where you are, what you do, think and say. Thus, you are hindered from fulfilling that which is your true nature.

Fear not the thought of not wearing the same things or owning the same stuff or saying the same lines or idolizing the same people as everybody else. Do not be afraid of loneliness. In time, things will change. You no longer have to flock towards the greatest concentration of souls, rather, they will flock towards you. Trust me, you will find yourself thanking me later.

Come now, don't be scared. Take the red pill, Neo...

completely wrong thought of the day: "Life sucks. If yours doesn't, congratulations, you're retarded." -me on a very, very bad day.
^Baka yan yung gawin kong "about me" sa friendster profile ko... Heeheehee...

Bloodlust

today's musical inclination: Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
-"My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury
Or wear as jewelery, whichever you prefer"
------------------------------
Perhaps it was but lunacy
When one hath dared to hinder me
I told him "Break," but he did not
I told him "Bend then,"; he did not
He did not break, he did not bend
And so his life I had to end
"O happy dagger, meet thine sheath!
And this to thee I doth bequeath..."
His blood had gushed onto the floor
'Twas not enough, I thirst for more
Oh what a shame, thine soul torment
Perchance I could speed its descent?
"And with this tiny candle fire
I shall be quenched from my desire
Mine sympathy you'd not return
Then all shall die and all shall burn!"
I watched the halls engulfed in flame
My conscience hath remained the same
Through all of this I smile somehow
"It all ends here, it all ends now...
Do you disdain? None shall remain!
Fear me now! I am insane!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"
------------------------------
I'm in another one of those "I-don't-see-the-purpose-in-not-comitting-suicide" moods again, which you will no doubt dismiss as just some fleeting thing that will be completely gone in the next few days. You know what? You're probably right. Pardon my lunacy.
 
completely wrong thought of the day:
"Each man I killed and edifice razed
Is but a taste of my trail blazed
Your sanctuary does not exist
Embrace the pain or...
HOLY SHIT PALAKA!"
 
You probably don't know this (why would you?), but I am deathly afraid of frogs and toads. Yes I am, don't argue. I remember back in Laguna when that subject came up while me, Mako and Jam were roaming the grounds. Our conversation went something like this...
 
Mako: Wala kayang palaka dito?
me: Ha?! Bakit naman??!? Uy walang ganyanan, takot kaya ako sa palaka!
Mako: Ako rin naman eh. Nung isang umaga nakakita nga ako doon o...
me: Oh shit! Ok lang, andyan naman si Camille eh!
Mako: Honga! Andyan naman si Camille!
 
Some of the dialogue might have been altered. A little help, Jam? ;) For the record, Mako is like, I dunno, 5'10" and kinda looks like a tough guy, if only just a touch. Oh, and Jam and I got the idea to tell him to join the next season of SCQ... but that's another story.

Yet Another Retarded "Yu-Wap" Thingy

Medyo inconvenient na mag-post ng mga lyrics and stuff here everytime may matipuhan akong kanta, kaya gagawa na lang ako ng songs of the day thingy, even though it makes me seem like a poser who copies of a gazillion million other persons' blogs. But that's okay, believe what you will.
 
today's musical inclination: Velvet Revolver - Slither
-Awesome guitar riffs... 'nuff said. Got me through Soc Sci 2 with my sanity intact (I was humming the riffs to softly to myself like a psycho).
 
Kanina ay bumili ako ng tiket sa CHK para sa game ng UP vs. DLSU sa Sunday. Kasama ko noon ang aking blockmate na si Karen. Last time nanood si Karen ng game ng UAAP, siya ay napilitang maging isang fan ng Green Archers sapagkat laban ng Ateneo at La Salle noon at ang kanyang nakatatandang kapatid ay isang La Sallian. Isa rin siyang fan kuno, kasi hayskul pa lamang siya ay sinusubaybayan niya na ang umaatikabong aksyon at matitinding sagupaan ng mga collegiate basketbolistas natin. Saka may crush siya kay Joseph Yeo. *retch*
 
Naglalakad kami ng  papuntang HK noon. Sinabi niya sa akin, "Sana manalo ang UP!" Sa isip-isip ko, "Yeah right, asa pa..." Then again, natalo naman ng Adamson ang La Salle eh, pero still, malakas rin naman ang Adamson. "Eh tinambakan nga tayo ng Adamson eh!" sabi niya. "Hoy wag ka! Nung lumaban tayo sa Ateneo tambak lang tayo ng nuwebe, hindi man umabot ng double figures! Pero wala si Fonacier noon..." sagot ko naman.
 
"Alam mo ba kung bakit ang bano ng UP?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"Bakit?"
"Kasi yung mga player nagfee-feeling gwapo pa. Pinagpipilitan nila yung larong bading hindi naman nila kaya. Dapat magpakatotoo sila! Hindi naman porke't larong kalye masama na a! Tingnan mo Adamson, larong kalye pero ang lakas!"
"Honga honga!"
 
Alam ba ninyo kung ano ang nagde-determine kung bagay ang isang team sa larong kalye o larong bading? Nasa over-all level of ka-gwapuhan ng players yun. Mga larong bading na prominente talaga ay Ateneo at La Salle... no question naman diba? Carry kasi ng players nila, kaya malakas ang mga team nila. Kaya nila type yung larong bading kasi puro mga gwapo (daw) ang mga player nila. Yung mga larong kalye, FEU at Adamson. Malakas pareho, kaya ok. Sila naman, hindi drop-dead gorgeous ang mga player, kaya sila larong kalye.
 
So you see? The amount of pagka-gwapo is directly proportional to a team's tendency to play like badings. Isipin mo na lang ang tsart ng supply and demand. Parang ganun, pero hinde. Basta, alam niyo na yun.
 
Nagkakaproblema kapag pinagpipilitan ng isang team ang larong bading kung bagay talaga sila sa larong kalye. Isa na ang UP dito (parang gusto kong sabihin Uste, pero hindi ko naman masyado napapanood yung mga laban nila eh). Ang actual level of play nila ay larong bading, as can be seen with this handy-danady chart (use your frickin' imagination!), na bagay sa mga gwapo. Ngunit-bagama't-subalit-datapwa't! Hindi kagwapuhan ang mga player ng UP (ikumpara mo naman sa mga player ng La Salle/Ateneo). Ayan tuloy, eto yung ideal level of play chart (again, "imagination!" *with matching SpongeBob voice and hand movements). Tingnan mo, nagkakasalisi yung dalawa! (I'm not telling you again smacktard)
 
In conclusion, para manalo ang UP, kailangan nilang magpaka-jologs. Napaka-negative kasi ng connotation nun eh, pero ang ibig-sabihin lang naman nito ay dapat ay meron silang heart and hustle. Eto ang central dynamic ng larong kalye philosophy, at dahil hindi naman sila as skilled kuno as players sa ibang team, e di substitute with hustle diba? Basic yun mga pare dude, pero hindi rin naman nila gagawin! Goodness, do these people even know how to play basketball?!
 
completely wrong thought of the day:
"Intellectual Masturbation"
 
I always hear people using that term. I kind of played with the thought of it awhile and came up with a couple of questions... or something like that.
 
When you're all by yourself, that's intellectual masturbation. When is it intellectual intercourse? How is that differentiated from intellectual mutual masturbation? What about an intellectual orgy? (for the record, I think rengga, or patchwork poetry, qualifies as an intellectual orgy) Can one get intellectually pregnant? Does one require intellectual protection? Does religion have any issues on same sex intellectual intercourse? How does one define an intellectual climax?
 
Okay, maybe I should just drop this. Sorry. I am just a pseudo-intellectually-sexually frustrated nerd. Right.

Another Exciting Wednesday

Yellowcard- Only One
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
 
I feel so broken up
And I give up
Just want to tell you so you know
 
Here I go
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go
But there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
 
Made my mistakes let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
 
Something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know
 
Here I go
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go
But there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
 
Here I go
So dishonestly leave a note
For you my only one
And I know
You can see right through me
So let me go
And you will find someone
 
Here I go
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go
But there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I told you I liked this song. I've listened to it for the nth time this morning and it's still stuck in my head. It's not as deep or thought-provoking as, say, Stellar by Incubus or She Will be Loved by Maroon 5; it's fairly straightforward. I like the violin though, it's a nice touch, it adds a nice melancholy feel to the whole thing... Hay naku, makinig nga kayo ng Yellowcard! Sana gawin nilang single yan, you'll know what I mean.
 
Pupunta dapat ako ng SM North ngayon para tumambay (hopefully with my out-of-school buds fromThird Year who do nothing but smoke weed and play video games and participate in orgies all day long. Oh, I'm not into stuff like that, I'm just in it for the games. It's all about the games, people), pero tinatamad ako. Merong sportsfest ang MMC ngayon at naimbitahan ang lahat sa block namin, pero hindi na ko pumunta, tinatamad ako.
 
I just wanna stay home, log on every so often, lie down, play video games, and listen to Yellowcard and Dashboard Confessional. Is that so wrong? I hope not.
 
completely wrong thought of the day: ARGH! My enter key sticks!

My ID, My Friends, My Music... For Life!

July 26, 2004. It is official--I am a peyupster.
 
Babala: Ang post na ito ay mahaba. Kung gusto niyong magpahinga tumigil kayo dun sa ibaba, dun sa linya na "hindi lang yan!" Kasi grabeh, it's so haba na, nakakailang! Maawa naman kayo sa inyong mga mata, at dito nagtatapos ang aking semi-kanta... Err, i'm in a trippy mood, up to no good, livin' gangsta in the hood... ARGH! Must... stop... INSANITY!
 
Huwebes pa lang ay in-announce na ng prof namin na wala kaming klase ng Soc Sci 2 sa Monday. Pagkatapos ng aming klase sa Math 17 kahapon ay maghahanap na lang ako ng tatambayan ng tatlong oras. Dapat kasama ko ang aking former schoolmate sa DPS, na ngayo'y nagte-take up ng Journalism, ngunit required silang manood ng SONA. Inimbayt niya pa nga ako sumama eh, pero ayoko, nakakatamad. (pabiro kung sinabi, "Pag-iisipan ko, pero kung natuloy tayo, daan tayong DPS at kumuha ka na ng yearbook mo!") Nagpasama na lang ako sa blockmate at former DPS classmate kong si Rovic sa OUR, upang kunin ang aking ID. Oo, ang ID ko nga na kay tagal ko nang hinihintay. Bwiset kasing schedule slip yan, nawala ko ata. Hindi ko naman kasi alam na importante yun eh. Kung sa bagay, yang Form 5 nga akala ko resibo lang at muntikan ko nang itapon eh... Nyahahaha...
 
Pinakita ko kay manong guard ang aking Form 5 at inabot niya sakin ang pinaka-hihintay kong bagay sa ngayon bilang isang peyupster: ang aking ID. Huwaw! Desente ang hitsura ko! Sabi nga ni Rovic bagay daw yung suot ko sa background na red and white. Hasteeg! Ngayon magagawa ko na ang mga bagay na nawawala sa aking buhay sa peyups. Makakapasok na rin ako ng Main Libe! Makaka-avail na rin ako ng student discount na bente-singko sentimos sa ikot at toki! Hindi na Form 5 ang gagamitin ko para makapasok ng Math Building!
 
Pero, pagkakuha ko ng aking ID, napansin ko na wala pa yung sticker na 1st sem AY 2004-2005. Tinanong ko ang aking kasamahan kung paano kumukuha nito at sinabi niyang pupunta pa daw kami sa CS Libe para sa kadahilanang ito. Matagal pa naman ako maghihintay dito eh, at gusto ko na ring kumpletuhin ang aking peyupster w/ ID experience (more on that later), kaya sige, go lang. Pagkalagay ng sticker sa ID ko, ni-request ko kay Rovic na i-tour ako sa Main Libe. Ipinakita niya sakin ang mga PChan, ang mga Soc Sci sections, ang section ng CAL, foreign languages, at ang tunay na Oblation (daw, pero parang may naaalala akong nagsabi sa akin na wala na ang orig). Pagkatapos noon, umuwi na si Rovic habang ako naman ay naglakad na patungong sakayan ng dyip na patungong Pantranco...
 
...at hindi lang yan!
 
Habang naglalakad ako dun, nakita ko si Leisa, ang aming Circulation Manager sa Blue View na siyang Third Year na ngayon sa DPS. Circulation Manager meaning utus-utusan; formality na lang yung title. Siya yung tao na sinisigawan namin mula sa aming headquarters (which is on the fourth floor) habang siya'y nasa turf pa lamang (which is on the first floor) kasi laging nale-late sa mga meeting...
~~~~~Flashback Sequence~~~~~
"Hoy Leisa bili mo kami ng Coke!"
"Ha? Ano?!"
"Coke! Ng COKE! Saka isang mango juice! Si Jaykie daw Lemonade!"
*raises her hands to heaven O_o*
*itsa ng isang daan*
~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~
Anyway, si Leisa nga iyon.
"Ginagawa mo dito?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"Naghahanap ako ng trainer sa Sabayang Bigkas namin eh," sagot naman niya.
"Ows? Saan?"
Tinuro niya ang CAL.
"A, gusto mo samahan kita? Wala naman akong ginagawa ngayon eh... Ayoko pa umuwi."
"Sige ba! Sigurado ka ba wala ka nang ginagawa?"
"Oo naman! SONA eh!"
 
Pumasok kami sa CAL at hinanap ang nakausap ni Leisa noong Sabado. Aba, mahirap pala ito! Andami palang grupo sa DPS na naghanap ng trainer sa UP! Akalain mo nga naman, talagang pag produktong peyups oo... Sabi na lang nung ale ay susubukan daw nila, pero hindi wala silang maipapangako. Sinabi na rin niyang subukan daw namin sa Theater Arts maghanap. Kaya yun, ok, let's go to theater arts! Inakyat namin ang hagdan at pumasok kami sa isang office. Nagtanong-tanong si Leisa tungkol sa trainer, at ang mamang napagtanungan niya ay sumagot ng...
 
"Why are you talking to me?! Can't you see I'm busy??!?" *turo sa mama sa other side ng room*
 
Well excuuuse me. I am so sorry to interrupt your porn surfing session. Ah, I see you are subscribing to sexxxmail! I, for one, do not see the value in such things, but I suppose sad, middle-aged government workers with enlarging prostates can milk more use out of it than I ever could. After all, cheap hookers from Quezon Avenue won't even touch you with a ten foot pole if you paid them a hundred thousand bucks.
 
Ok, I'm blowing this outta proportion. He was checking his e-mail, all right? Yeah, like that provides any justification for his snapping at us innocent little inquirers. Besides, I never knew logging on to Yahoo! was considered "work" by our government.
 
Anyway, naka-usap ni Leisa ng matino-tino ang isang guy dun sa room. Maya-maya, nakatanggap si Leisa ng text galing sa aming common friend, si Tin. Si Tin ay aking kinakapatid, at nalaman ko na lang bigla na best friend niya pala si Leisa sa DPS (lumipat na kasi si Tin sa UPIS, ang tunay na Diliman Preparatory School). Hinintay namin si Tin sa sunken at kung anu-ano ang napag-usapan: college choices (niya malamang), UAAP (fans rin siya ng ADMU... PH34R TEH L337 34GL3S LOLOLOLOL!!!!! L4RRY F0N4CI3R PWNS J00!), ang kasiyahan ng pagiging non-star, etc. Ilang sandali makalipas ay may nag-alok sa amin ng dried mangoes, tamang-tama ang timing pagkatapos lang ikuwento sa akin ni Leisa na bumili siya ng ube pastillas sa isang alokera. Tinanggihan na lang namin ito (pero parang gusto kong sabihin na allergic ako sa dried mangoes). Nakita ko rin ang iilan sa aking mga blockmates na kakagaling lang ng Beach House. Later on, since nakausap ko yung isa sa YM, nalaman kong napagkamalan pala nilang syota ko si Leisa. Hay Diyos ko! Hanubanaman itech!
 
Maya-maya, dumating si Tin, na siyang nagtago muna sa likod ng isang puno. Takot kasi siyang madiskubre ng mga aktibistang pagala-gala doon dahil iimbitahin siyang sumama sa SONA panigurado, datapwa't hindi siya pinayagan ng kanyang papa (na, take note, ninong ko na nagtuturo ng Law minsan sa UP). Ayaw niya na lang ata gumawa ng eksena doon. Napag-isipan kong mag-lunch na lang, kasi medyo gutom na rin ako noon. Ang dalawang yun ay typical High School students pa rin, sobrang indecisive (kung sa bagay, indecisive pa rin naman ako ngayon, not to mention passive at submissive). Madaming lugar ang nasabi: Beach House (me: na naman?!), CASAA (me: wag mainit!), UPIS (Leisa: makakapasok ba kami? Tin: Oo no! me: Kung hindi, ganito *labas ng wallet, buklat, pakita ng ID, kunwari kausap si manong guard* "Tang ina tsong hindi mo ba ko kilala?! Peyups to 'tol!"), Vinzons (so-so...), SC (yuck! it's so cheap naman there!), at Chocolate Kiss (sila: wala kaming pera! me: ako meron. sila: talaga?!). And the winner is... CK! Sinabi ko ililibre ko sila. Ok lang sakin kahit mahal; minsan ko lang naman nakikita ang mga yan eh.
 
Sa may Vinzons, nakakita si Tin ng mga kakilala. Maya't maya may sumisigaw ng pangalan niya at nangangamusta sa kanya. Anuba naman yan! Ako mismong estudyante dito ay iilan lang ang kakilala, samantalang itong hayskul na chikiting pa lamang ay andaming prendly prends, maging kaklase, ka-batch, former varsity o former UPISer man. Mula Vinzons ay nilakad namin ang Chocolate Kiss. Oo, malayo, pero ok lang, trip ko maglakad nun eh. May mga nadaanan kami na kumakanta ng, err, Luha ata yun. Nung una ay matawa-tawa lang kami. Maya-maya...
 
"Heto akooo... Basang-basa sa ulaaan! Walang masisilungan! Walang malalapitan!"
 
Take note, si Leisa ay emote na emote pa noon.
 
Pagkagaling namin ng Chocolate Kiss ay nakita namin ang ate ni Tin, si ate Tan, na siyang third year student ng Film (at candidate for magna pa!). Huwaw... Buong buhay ni Tin ay naka-palibot na nga sa UP. Dati ata sa UP village sila nakatira, lumipat lang sila ilang taon na ang nakalipas. Ang papa niya ay graduate na at ngayo'y nagtuturo ng Law doon, ang kanyang mama ay prof ng Pol Sci na naging estudyante si Loren Legarda at si Jessica Soho (hindi niya ipinagmamayabang ito, pero ako, gusto ko ipagmayabang eh, bakit ba?!), ang dalawang nakatatandang kapatid niya ay dito nag-aaral. Laking kaba niya nga na baka hindi siya pumasa ng UPCAT, pero sa totoo lang, wala akong duda na kakayanin niya yun. Ika nga ng mga pumuri sa friend kong si Mako noong awarding ng Regionals, "Magaling 'tong batang 'to!" (may kalakip na istorya yan, pero sa susunod na lamang) Naglakad kami pabalik ng AS at nagsiuwian na kami...
 
...at hindi lang yan!
 
My ustetician friend Jeff borrowed my Make Yourself CD. I told him he HAD to listen to it; no musician's education (he is an aspiring guitarist, like so many others in this world) would be complete without listening to Incubus' sick musical stylings. He was supposed to return it to me yesterday, but he said the SONA caused some insane traffic thus it was impossible for him to leave the house without bumping into some stray activist who managed to get lost on the way to Sandigang Bayan (which, by the by, coincidentally, is just a hop, skip and a jump away from DPS). He added that he would not be able to return it next week either, since his prelims were coming up. Nerd. Oh, did I say that out loud? Ahahaha! Peace.
 
Anyway, I figured it was time to grab some new music. Now, I was torn here. There were quite a number of CDs that caught my eye when I dropped by the nearby Tower Records along Quezon Avenue. There was "Morning View" (another great Incubus album, though I had heard all the songs before), Slapshock's, err, 2 B Inch or something like that (jologs na kung jologs, gusto ko lang marinig muli yung "Numb"), Yellowcard's "Ocean Avenue" (I really, really like the single, Ocean Avenue), Underworld's 1992-2002 2 CD compilation (all my CDs thus far are of the rock genre; it would have been nice to get some trance in the mix somewhere. Besides, I like Born Slippy), The Punisher OST (for Broken, which I liked way before anyone else did as usual, plus I wanted to check out the other tracks by Seether). I made my choice. When I went to the cashier to pay for the CD of my choice, I flipped my wallet *wide* open, as if to give everyone a good view of my UP ID. What? My ID pwns. My pic does not make me resemble an Ewok in any way, shape or form. Oh wait, I look too much like an Ewok already. Besides, I just got the idea from a friend who says she does the same thing whenever she spots some college students in uniform right behind her (when she commutes that is, like, I dunno, inside a bus or jeep or tricycle or at the MRT's line to buy tickets I guess).
 
I decided to stick with Yellowcard's Ocean Avenue. A semi-rocker friend of mine recommended that I grab myself a copy, and you know what? I don't regret it a bit. When you get tired of Ocean Avenue (the single), you can listen to stuff like Way Away, Back Home, and my personal favorite, Only One. My only gripe would probably be that the songs all sound the same at times, like you could play them all consecutively and they would just seem like a really long song. Oh well, it's nice anyway, yung Incubus lang kasi saka yung Audioslave may distinct sound ang bawat kanta, pero on its own ok talaga yung Ocean Avenue.
 
Still, since I dug up the 1000-peso buck from my blue savings wallet, I felt like splurging today. I decided to make another stop at Tower Records before going home (gawd, it's like they know me there already) to grab another CD. I looked around, thinking I would most likely end up buying the Punisher OST, until I spotted it--Dashboard Confessional. Whoa! I just had to grab a copy of that, if only for the fact that the name "Dashboard Confessional" sounds so kewl. Then again, I also like Hands Down anyway. And no, I was not stupid enough to hope that Vindicated would be there somewhere; I'd have to snag me a Spider Man 2 OST for that (but I was half-wishing for it anyway). I haven't had time to get really intimate with DC, but I'm liking it so far...
 
Tapos na po. Bow.... at hindi lang yan! Hinde hinde, jowk lang, wala na talaga, inaantok na rin ako eh...
 
completely wrong thought of the day:
Nang kami ay pabalik na ng AS galing Chocolate Kiss...
Leisa: "Ito yung lagoon diba? Dito kami dumaan nina Virna nung Sabado eh..."
Me: "Oo, ito nga yun."
Leisa: "Alam mo ba? Dati may nakita kami naglalampungan dito..."
Me: "Normal lang yun. UP eh. Ako nga mismong sa klase ko sa Philo 11 meron eh."
Leisa: "O? Dun mismo sa klase?"
Tin: "Kami kaya dati, may nakita kaming mama sa sunken, ginagawa niya mag-isa..."
Leisa: "Ha?"
Tin: "Alam mo na, all by himself... Mismong broad daylight pa, asa likod siya ng puno. Natakot nga kami eh, puro babae pa naman kami dun, ang lalake lang dun yung boyfriend nung isa naming kasama..."
 
Dudes, if you gotta do certain things then the choice is yours to make, but please remember that there really is a time and a place for everything. Yes there is, don't argue. In this case, well, just think about it a bit. Men's bathroom? Yes. The back seat of a bus? It can be done. Behind a tree along the sunken garden in broad daylight? You might wanna re-think your strategy a bit.

Somewhere, Somehow, Someone

Oh my, this is not good. This is not good at all. I have been waiting for far too long, my dear. When will you arrive? You are taking up a large part of all eternity, you know. But it is all right; I shall wait. I have been waiting long enough, but still, I know you will come around eventually.
 
Did you know that I waited for hours outside the bookstore? You said you would walk home with me. Do you remember? You even wished that it would rain. Ah, you are after my heart itself dear! Long have I wished for someone to share my sentiments with the rain. I could never understand why people dreaded walking in the rain. It's only water, it's not gonna kill you! Long have I walked alone amidst the downpours and the storms, but now, now I have you to walk with... or so I thought. It would seem I had at least one more wave of angels' tears to traverse all by myself...
 
I was thinking of you as I looked up at the stars last night. My, they are amazing! We have such a perfect view of them from this realm! You like them as well, do you not? Yes, I am quite certain that you do. I feel so lost when I look at them. It is as if they are calling out to me, as if I should not be here at this moment, as if someone, somewhere, wills me to be there, as if that is where I should have been all along... Do you think that could be true? I hope so. This world is far too sad for me. Why, if I knew not of your existence here I would not bother with it at all.
 
Please do hurry... How I wish that you are able to make it to dinner. Ah, you will enjoy what I have prepared! It's a surprise though, just for the two of us. But, oh dear, it will not last very long. The food is getting cold, the roses are wilting, and the candles are slowly melting into tiny puddles of wax. Even the violinist's patience grows thin, but please, do not be mad at him; he is human after all, only sent here by the memory of those great men who have long since transcended this mortal plane. If he leaves though, it is all right still. I shall remain; my patience for you is timeless, as well it should be, wouldn't you agree? Purpose is not bound by the laws of time and space. I will be with you. I have to be with you. I know not when, I know not how, but I know that I shall remain forever restless if I do not discover the path that will lead me to you.
 
I have said it before, but I have been waiting for far too long. I have been searching for far too long as well. You are here, and you will be with me soon. I know you will be. I can feel it. However, I am exhausted. I can search for you no longer, so I will stick to waiting, as I have been for quite some time now. But I know that you are on this oblate spheroid somewhere, and I know that you are lonely. My, what a coincidence! I too am lonely. If only we could be lonely together...
 
Find me, child. Find me with all haste. It is not that difficult at all. You only need to search for the fool who walks amidst the rain and stares up at the stars with all longing--wanting, searching, waiting...
 
completely wrong thought of the day:
"It was like a million shards of glass piercing my heart from all sides at the same time..."
--sentiments of a car crash survivor
"...oh wait. It actually was.

Incoherent Ramblings of a Sad, Sad Fool

I have been horribly depressed as of late...

My third year in high school was such that I discovered I was not like my other classmates at all. I felt different, unique, individual. I felt like I was better than they were. At that time, I believed with all my heart that I was destined for great things.

By the time I reached fourth year, this belief had not changed. I was inadvertedly placed in the crème de la crème of the seven fourth year sections in DPS. At first I felt like I must provide some separation. I remember thinking, "You people are nerds. I am not. I am smarter than any of you, but I have a life. Bow before thine master, grovel at mine feet." For a while, this presupposed niche and I got along rather well. Classes always seemed a bit dry, so I took it upon myself to provide the comic relief every so often. After all, I was from the non-star section and damn proud of it; how else would these nerds survive? I really felt like I was shaking things up, and in a way, I did. (though my opinion of my classmates in general had changed over time; I discovered I was a bigger nerd than any of them would ever be, and that was ok with me)

However, the path to greatness is laden with a large number of hindrances, and I have come across a large number of them. First, my sole objective during fourth year was to make it into UP, a goal that was largely motivated by some of the greatest minds I have encountered in this life. I made it all right, but it seemed I had overestimated my intelligence. I had not made it into my first choice, BAA; rather, I got into my second choice, BS Math. Yes, 'tis a cruel, cruel fate that has befallen me, a lowly math major, an infinitesimal, insignificant speck in this vast cosmic fabric whereupon we exist. The foundations of my plans and schemes had all come crashing down. No longer could I be an accounting lawyer, thus, I would no longer be as wealthy as I could have been. No longer will major corporations line up to snag the brilliant head resting upon mine neck and between mine shoulders. Now I must prove to everyone that I can make it anyway, despite fate's derailing of my train ride to greatness. Ah, the price of extreme cockiness and arrogance! Oh, woe is me, woe is me!

I once told my sister that I believed myself to be destined for greatness. She replied by mentioning that everybody believed that, but that was not always the fruit of their labor. Only now do I see the truth in her words; everyone, but everyone, wishes to be great, but only a handful ever make it to the glimmering pot of gold found at the rainbow's end. Truth be told, great men do not even seek greatness outright; they merely find it through the course of their actions. Oh dear... How very, very lost am I...

In the end, though I wish, hope and dream, the sad reality remains: I'll be fortunate to find work in a call center (given my sociopathic nature, I do not believe such a task would be bearable). My friends all around me will move on to become lawyers, doctors, celebrities, broadcasters, etc. all people working in very lucrative dealings, while I, I with my cynical outlook, my rebellious nature, my pseudo-realistic approach to all things, shall be truly blessed if anyone finds my corpse, my melancholy, tormented, peaceful expression on my pallid, lifeless face.

When I die, will they mourn? Will they care? Will they even know? But then, none of that matters anymore. Death is the end to which all means must inevitably succumb. It can be rather liberating and peaceful when you think about it. Why must I continue to exist anyway? What do I live for? Who do I live for? The answers to these questions elude me still.

Smile while you still can, or while it still stands for the good, anyway. Know that it is not at all times that a smile will be symbolic of joy, of ecstsy, of bliss. Even men who are dying in extreme and utter torment can find the time to smile because of the absurdity of it all...

completely wrong thought of the day: It would be so simple, so easy. It all could end if I truly willed it so. Is it not better to quit while I'm ahead, while they still believe that I am capable of something, before they are awakened to the sad reality that my life or death will be of no difference to anyone at all? At least I am certain that there are still those who would mourn; wait too long and they all might outlive me. Yes, I do not know what I am missing, but I know this: there will be no more pain. There will be only silence, calmness, tranquility...

If only things were different. If only this were not our sad and twisted realm. If only this were some bizzare parallel universe, where things were different, where it were at least possible... how I wish. If that were so, then maybe, just maybe... or perhaps...

Forgive me. I am a fool who knows not that of which he speaks. Forget all that I said; it is irrelevant. But ah, yes, one must remember in order to forget... and for this, again I apoplogize.

Animo La Salle!!!

*These names are unedited, but it's ok; these people have no idea this blog exists. I will not specify who is talking; please be creative and use your vivid imaginations.*
Guys, cheer naman kayo!
 
"Oi Maltaj, cheer ka nga."
"Ano ba yan Paul! Kung ikaw kaya?!"
"Rey Rayan, ikaw ata pinariringgan eh, nakaupo ka lang kasi dyan."
"Lumen naman, ikaw na mauna..."
"Maltaj, pansin mo yung mga player ng La Salle ampuputi?"
"Hahaha! Oo nga no! In comparison mukhang sunog yung mga taga-Adamson!"
"Sus... Pa-cheer-cheer pa. Isigaw kaya natin, 'go CSB!', 'go NU!'?"
"Ahihi! Jaykie may nag-text o! Yung friend kong taga-uste!"
"Uh-huh... Sino na naman yan?"
"Taga-Claret."
"Yan ba yung kasama mo sa prom?"
"Hinde noh! Player to na lagi kong nilalait... Wahaha tambak sila! Uy, sinabi ko sa kanya yun, reply niya 'ano gusto mo gawin ko?' Ano magandang reply?"
"Um, how bout, get some guys who know how to play basketball?"
"Hihihi! Okay! Uy Jaykie, alam mo, sobrang nag-aalangan na kaya ako sa choice ko ng school ngayon..."
"Maltaj, ano ba naman yan! This is not the time or the place for that..."
"In fairness, ang yayaman ng mga asa side natin, puro Lower Box at Patron seat!"
"Mga alumni na yan eh..."
"Uy guys, sabi nga cheer daw eh!"
"Sheesh... Sige na nga!"
 
D! L-S! U! Animo La Salle!
 
"Alam mo, bad trip lang talaga sina Cardona at Yeo, ang angas! Kung di lang dahil sa kanila full support na ko sa La Salle eh!"
"Hah? Eh hindi naman ganun kaangas si Yeo a!"
"Akala mo lang yun... Palibhasa gwapo eh..."
"Uy si Japoy o! Drummer pala siya ng La Salle!!!"
"Andaming drums ng sa La Salle no? Nakakabingi!"
"Honga! Yun pang sa Adamson ang onti lang..."
"Ilan ba sa La Salle? A-N-I-M-O-space-L-A-S-A-L-L-E... Trese."
"E yung sa Adamson? A-D-A-M-err... ano yan?-O-N-S-picture ng falcon... Walo lang ata."
 
*Halftime*
"Guys, tapusin na natin ito ok? Kahit alam nating La Salle ang mananalo ok rin kasi eh, close game..."
"Okay! Onga, ok to, tapusin na natin..."
"Uy guys tayo na rin tayo! Para naman feel na feel natin ang pagka-La Sallian natin!"
"Sige... You know, di ko pa napapanood yung cheering ng La Salle. 'Di ko trip yung sa Adamson eh, ampanget nung sounds."
*watches La Salle's routine*
"Ha?! Yun lang pala yun?"
 
"Ano ba naman 'to, yung Archers larong bading, yung Adamson larong kalye! Bad trip talaga si Cardona, angal ng angal amputa!"
"Oo nga eh... Ok pa si Tang, mahusay."
"Tsong, wala yan. In fairness, pans ako ng ADMU. Larry Fonacier is MY hero baby!"
"Ayan ka na naman, feeling Atenista. Excuse me, pero humina na sila no! Yan na nga lang malakas sa kanila saka si Tenorio eh..."
"Lumen alam na alam mo a..."
"Sus, si Lumen pa! Showbiz yan eh!"
 
*4th Quarter. Time: less than a minute, last play. Score: DLSU- 62 Adamson- 64*
"Wow, astig! Cheer ulit tayo guys! Woist magsitayuan nga kayo!"
*All stand*
Shoot that ball! Shoot that ball!
Let's go Archers let's go! Let's go Archers let's go!
*3... 2... Yeo shoots... 1... ENGK!*
"Waaah! Bad triiippp!!!!!"
"Tang inang banat yan! Andaming pustahan ang nasira nito!"
"Putang inang Joseph Yeo kasi yan eh! Feeling niya naman sobrang lakas niya babano-bano naman!"
"Adamson amputa! Tuwang-tuwa naman sila, feeling nila sila na champions..."
"Syet naman tsong, natalo nila DLSU! They're as good as champions kung ganun at ganun lang."
"Argh! Ang bano ng skul natin!"
 
Not a single one of us is a La Sallian. There were two feufsters, one ustetician, one fatiman and one peyupster (hopefully kilala niyo kung sino yun...); we were merely La Sallians at heart.
 
Animo La Salle!

completely wrong thought of the day: I was born alone and I will die alone. It matters not how I feel; I have no say in the matter. Why? I was born ugly, and born to be fat. No girl, or woman, in her right mind would ever, EVER be able to entertain the thought of falling in love with me. God, that is so depressing, yet true. The thought of suicide has never seemed so real to me: a few confessions here, a couple of closures there, and poof! I am at peace with this realm. Will I be a *great* person anyway? Hah. I doubt it. Nowadays it seems like there is nothing more that I must live for, like I've lost my purpose for living...

...and now your life does not seem that bad at all, does it? You are very welcome. I am glad you could milk a drop of significance from my otherwise meaningless existence...

Mag-sulat tayo ng Animé!

*A typical animé boy's room, complete with sliding door and all. Our protagonist is fast asleep though in an awkward position, and his mother bursts into the room.*
Mother: Hiroshi! Gumising ka na! Kanina pa nagsimula ang klase mo! Hoy! Nakikinig ka ba sakin??!?
*The boy merely lies there and drools. The mother's face changes; her eyes turn into angry eyes with no pupils, a vein pops out on her forehead, and she gains a fang on the right side of her clenched white teeth. She storms out of the room with white puffs of smoke exuding from her head and closes the door. She quickly returns with a bucket of water, her expression the same as it was. She douses her son, who jumps up. His face suddenly turns into one whose eyes are wide awake, his teeth clenched, his arms flailing in the air.*
Mother: Sa wakas gising ka na rin! Pumasok ka na at nagsisimula na ang klase mo!
Hiroshi: Inay, matagal pa ang klase ko! Alas siyete pa simula nun!
*He sits up, eyes glazed, obviously still sleepy. His mother, who looks more annoyed than angry now, with her eyes closed and her mouth shut tight, grabs a digital clock. She points to the time: 6:55. Hiroshi still looks dazed, but his expression suddenly changes into one of utter panic.*
Hiroshi: Naku huli na ko! *Grabs clothes and puts them on in a hurry. He rushes down the stairs and grabs a piece of toast from the plate on the end table.*
Hiroshi: *shouting* 'Nay mauna na 'ko!
*Hiroshi is running towards the camera. His mother is shown on the second floor balcony, carrying a broom.*
Mother: Hoy Hiroshi bilisan mo! Ikaw talagang bata kaaa!
 
*Hiroshi runs through the sidewalk, where he passes a lamppost every ten seconds. His bag is on a strap around his upper body and his left arm is carrying his books. His eyes are wide, his cheeks exaggerated in front of him. He has no mouth, but a piece of toast seems to be stuck to his face where his mouth should be. As he turns a corner, the perspective changes into first person, his view surrounded by streaks of wind. Just as he turns, he catches sight of a girl directly in front of him, who suddenly turns to face him. The screen turns black for a split-second with stars and red, yellow and blue streaks shooting out from the center of the screen.*
Girl: Aray... Ang sakit... *rubs head*
Hiroshi: Hoy Ayumi, tumingin-tingin ka nga sa dinadaanan mo!
Ayumi: Ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo Hiroshi! Ikaw ang naka-bangga sakin eh!
Hiroshi: A bahala ka! Male-late na ko! *runs off*
Ayumi: Uy teka! Hiroshi hintayin mo akooh!
*They are shown running outside the gate of their school, which is a big white building consisting of a central tower with matching clock, an east and west wing, and a rooftop area with rails. The shot changes to that of the classroom, where a boy looks out the window as his teacher discusses the lesson. He looks outside, and the angle changes to a shot of the school grounds, where Hiroshi and Ayumi are shown running towards the building.*
Boy #1: Psst! Kaji! Sina Hiroshi yun diba?
Kaji: Oo nga no! Nahuli na naman sila!
Boy #1: Naku, lagot sila niyan kay ser!
*The shot changes to show the teacher discussing in side view, while we can see the sliding door.*
Teacher: So here we learn that when we multiply x to this...
*The sliding door bursts open. Hiroshi props one arm against the wall and looks down, gasping for air. Ayumi slowly runs up behind him, stops right next to him, puts her hands on her knees and does the same.*
Teacher: Kayong dalawa! Huli na naman kayo sa klase ko! Pang-ilang beses na itong nangyayari! Alam niyo, wala na akong pakialam kung nagde-date kayo, wag niyo lang hayaang maka-apekto sa schoolwork ninyo!
*The rest of the class laughs.*
Hiroshi and Ayumi: *bows* Patawad po, hindi na po mauulit.
Teacher: Ilang beses niyo na ring sinabi iyan, ngunit heto, late na naman kayo! Magsi-upo na nga kayo, at wag niyo nang istorbohin ang klase ko!
Hiroshi and Ayumi: Opo ser...
*The two take adjacent empty seats. They converse in whispers.*
Ayumi: Pambihira ka talaga Hiroshi! Na-late na naman ako dahil sayo!
Hiroshi: Pwede ba, makinig ka nga! At saka late ka na rin naman talaga a!
Ayumi: Uy hinde noh! Sakto lang ang pagdating ko kung hindi mo ako nakasalubong! Nakakainis ka talaga!
Hiroshi: Bahala ka! Pangit ka naman! *belat*
(Note: Ideally, she is rather pretty, but Hiroshi calls her "pangit" nonetheless)
Teacher: Kayong dalawa! Diba't sinabi ko wag na kayong maingay? Ang titigas ng ulo ninyo! Pwes, mamaya ay manatili kayo pagkatapos ng klase at ipapa-detention ko kayo!
*Ayumi's face is one of shock and horror. Hiroshi merely sighs angrily.*
Hiroshi: Ayan, ikaw kasi eh, ang kulit mo...
*Ayumi's expression changes: her eyes are angry and without pupils, her mouth disappears and a vein throbs on her forehead.*
 
*The clock on the tower shows 12 o'clock noon. The lunch bell sounds and the students eat their boxed lunches in class.*
Nerd: O Ayumi, ano na naman ang ginawa ng boyfriend mo sayo?
Ayumi: Jin, hindi ko siya boyfriend noh! Saka wala yun, ganun lang talaga si Hiroshi! *grabs some food and munches on it furiously*
Jin: Alam mo, huwag ka na magkunwari! Alam ko ang katotohanan! Ang masasabi ko lang, kung ako na lang ang pinili mo ay hindi ka magsisisi ng ganyan!
Ayumi: *annoyed expression, coupled with disgust* Jin, wag kang ganyan! Sinabi ko na naman sayo eh! Pwede ba wag kang makulit at masama ang araw ko ngayon?!
Jin: Yumi-chan... Kung alam mo lang sana kung paano ako magmahal, matagal mo nang nakalimutan ang iyong boyfr--
*Jin's sentence is cut off. Ayumi's face turns red with rage, her eyes in anger, vein throbbing, teeth clenched. She socks Jin with an uppercut, which, apparently, is enough to send him flying out of the window and off into the distance, screaming "Yuuuummmmmmiiiiiiiiiii!" until he gets so far off into the horizon that he disappears from view, but not without first turning into a brief flash of a white speck of light.*
 
*Japanese characters on the whiteboard read "detention 2:00-4:00". Ayumi's arms are crossed on her desk, her eyes staring at the board but blank yet melancholy in expression. Hiroshi is in the back row, his feet on the empty chair in front of him, trying to get some sleep. A few seats away from him is a big bald guy, who gets up and sits next to Ayumi.*
Bald guy: Hehehe... Ano naman ang ginagawa mo dito binibini? Anong napakalaking sala naman ang nagawa mo para mapadpad ka sa katayuang ito? Heeheeheeheehee...
Hiroshi: *position unchanged, eyes closed* Hoy Geese, tumigil ka nga. Kaya lang kami nandito ay dahil nahuli kami sa pagdating sa klase. Hindi kami tulad mo na wala nang kwenta ang buhay at wala nang kinabukasan.
Geese: *looks at Hiroshi, stands up and slams his hand on a table right next to him* Anong sinasabi mo bata? Hindi ka ba tinuruan ng respeto sa mga nakatatanda sayo?
Hiroshi: *opens eye nearer to Geese* Ha? Ang respeto ko ay ibinibigay ko lamang sa mga karapat-dapat. Ang mga taong tulad mo ay nilalapastangan, hindi rinerespeto.
Geese: A-ano? Anong akala mo sa sarili mo? Wag kang magkakamali, kayang-kaya kitang saktan! Isa ka lang kuto sa paningin ko!
Hiroshi: *closes eyes again* E di patunayan mo.
*Geese sits down looking angry. He looks at Ayumi still, with a hint of malice in his eyes.*
Geese: Binibini, hindi ba't ikaw ang kausap ko? *smiles and looks back at Hiroshi, who pretends to be indifferent to the situation*
Ayumi: Pwede ba? Hindi kita gustong kausapin. Manahimik ka na lang at matatapos na rin naman ito.
*Geese looks thoroughly pissed, and he sits down and shuts up. He looks at Hiroshi again, who is in the same position but is now smiling.*
Geese: *whispers to himself* Magbabayad kayo...
 
*The clocktower shows 4:00. The shot shows Hiroshi standing up.*
Ayumi: Hiroshi, sabay na tayo umuwi. Si mama kasi eh, magagalit pag wala akong kasama.
*Hiroshi is walking with his hands behind his head ala Yusuke from Yu Yu Hakusho. His eyes are closed, but in his response, he opens the eye nearer Ayumi.*
Hiroshi: Bahala ka. C-CR lang ako, antay ka lang dyan.
*Hiroshi is shown exiting through the sliding door. Ayumi sits back down, but the angle is such that we can see Geese smiling behind her, an evil, scheming smile. We see Hiroshi washing his hands.*
Hiroshi: *mumbling* Ano ba naman to, ihahatid ko pa ang pesteng yun.
*Hiroshi exits the bathroom and walks the short distance back to the classroom. He opens the sliding door, his eyes still closed.*
Hiroshi: Ayumi, tena, kailangan ko na ring makauwi.
*No response. He opens his eyes and looks at towards the chairs. They are all empty.*
Hiroshi: Ayumi?
*Hiroshi looks at the board of chalk. Japanese characters are written on it, but Geese's voice reads the dialogue.*
Geese's voice: Kasama ko ngayon si Ayumi. Kung ayaw mo siyang mapahamak, pumunta ka sa West wing rooftop ngayon din.
*Hiroshi exhibits a calm sense of anger.*
Hiroshi: Geese... Pambihira ka talaga!
*He runs out of the classroom.*
 
*Hiroshi kicks the door of the West wing rooftop open. He walks through it and shouts.*
Hiroshi: Geese! Asan ka? Magpakita ka ngayon sa akin!
*Geese is leaning against the railing, where Ayumi is gagged and tied by a rope (all her clothes are on. perv.)*
Geese: Nagpakita ka rin Hiroshi... Hindi kita mapapatawad sa ginawa mo sa akin. Hindi ka maaaring mabuhay pa. Ito na ang katapusan mo!
*Hiroshi looks unfazed by this proclamation. He gets into a fighting stance.*
Hiroshi: Magbabayad ka Geese. Matitikman mo ngayon ang kapangyarihan ng aking Setsuna-style Martial Arts.
Geese: HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Walang kwenta! *gets into stance* Hindi mo ata alam ito, pero isa ako sa pinaka-mahusay na estudyante ng Heaven and Earth infusion fighting style! Humanda ka ngayon bata!
*Geese rushes forward. He tries to grab Hiroshi, who jumps over Geese and ends up behind him. Geese tries to hit Hiroshi with a reverse punch, but Hiroshi ducks. Hiroshi trips Geese, and Geese falls down. Hiroshi merely jumps farther away and readies himself for Geese's attack.*
Geese: Hehehe... Mahusay. Hindi ko akalaing marunong ka rin palang lumaban. May kaya ka rin naman palang marating dyan sa iyong Setsuna-style. Subalit! *stamps both feet firmly on the ground ala Sumo* Ako'y nagsisimula pa lamang. Halika bata! Subukan mo ang aking kapangyarihan!
*Hiroshi looks calm, then he strikes. He lunges forward and attempts a punch, but in a slow-mo split-second, Geese is able to dodge this punch and grab Hiroshi's arm. Geese swings Hiroshi and slams him to the ground.*
Geese: *holding Hiroshi by the arm* Hahaha... Napasubo ka sa labang ito! Hindi ko na patatagalin pa! Heto na! Earth Dragon Fist!
*Hiroshi was able to avoid the attack, contorting himself to end up with his hands over Geese's eyes and his feet perched on Geese's back. The Earth Dragon fist connected on the floor creating a hole that went clear through the lower classroom's ceiling. Hiroshi used some leverage on Geese's back to do a backflip and jump a little farther away.*
Geese: Grr... Nagawa mo pang iwasan ang aking pagsalakay...
Hiroshi: Tama ka nga Geese; hindi na magtatagal ang laban na ito. Walang kinalaman si Ayumi sa ating dalawa, ngunit ninais mo pa ring saktan siya, at dahil dito'y hindi kita mapapatawad. *camera shows Ayumi, pupils quivering yet eyes steady, slightly flushed* Ikaw naman Geese; ipakita mo sa kin ang kayang gawin ng iyong Earth and Heaven infusion techniques!
Geese: *battlecry* Seven Star Strike!
*Geese attempted a truly magnificent combination of attacks on Hiroshi: punch-punch-kick-punch-kick-kick-grab. Geese performed this with tremendous speed and skill, but unfortunately, Hiroshi was able to guard against the first six strikes and dodge against the last strike completely, leaving Geese vulnerable to attack. Hiroshi grabbed Geese's left arm with his left hand, leaving his right hand free to strike.*
Hiroshi: Serpent Palm on Blooming Lotus!
*The screen turned black. Five Japanese characters in white appear in the middle of the screen one at a time in quick succession. The screen then switches to Geese's upper body, which has a big imprint where Hiroshi hit him. Geese's eyes went blank, and Hiroshi let go of Geese's left arm just as he fell to the floor. Hiroshi clenched his right hand to a fist and looked at it, then he looked at Ayumi. He slowly walked towards her, untied her and removed the fabric from her mouth.*
Ayumi: Hi-Hiroshi! Si Geese... A-ano--
Hiroshi: ...mamaya ay magigising rin yan. Tara, iwan na natin siya dito. Kailangan na nating umuwi. *smiles*
Ayumi: *blank sorta stupid expression with the quavering pupils, gives a nod.*
 
*The two are walking on the sidewalk. Hiroshi is ahead by a bit, his hands behind his head again. Ayumi is looking down on the ground.*
Ayumi: *stops and looks at Hiroshi* Hiroshi...
Hiroshi: *stops, but does not turn to face her* Hindi mo na kailangan pang magpasalamat.
Ayumi: Hindi yun... Bakit... bakit mo ko iniligtas?
Hiroshi: *momentary silence* Hindi para sa iyo yun, naiinis lang talaga ako kay Geese.
Ayumi: G-ganun ba... *looks down on the ground again*
Hiroshi: *turns around, has a serious * Pero, syempre, hindi ko naman magagawang maiwan ka. Alam mo na, kahit paano'y magkaibigan naman tayo diba? At saka, kailangan kong tulungan ang isang taong tulad mo...
*Ayumi looks at Hiroshi with the same quavering expression*
Hiroshi: *Hiroshi reverts to a silly expression*...na napaka-pangit na babae! Ang swerte mo at napaka-bait kong nilalang, kundi kasama mo pa rin yung kalbong yun hanggang ngayon! *runs off*
Ayumi: *mad expression, pupil-less eyes* Napakasama mo talaga Hiroshi! Nakakainis kaaaa! *runs after him*
*Hiroshi is shown running off, smiling. Ayumi is then shown running after him; she is also smiling now. The shot changes to one behind Ayumi where the two can be seen running into the horizon. The scene turns into a pastel rendition, the narrator says some stuff and "to be continued" written in Japanese letters pops up on the lower-right side of the screen.*
 
completely wrong thought of the day: I don't diss activists. They fight for what they believe in and I respect that. It's just that seeing them in action is still just a tad awkward for me. I remember the other day during my Philo 11 class when a bunch of activists went walking by, demanding that the RP Humanitarian Contingent be pulled out of Iraq to save Angelo dela Cruz. Ok, not a bad cause, but dude, they formed like this really long line. I half-expected a drum and lyre band to be trailing behind them playing "Angelina" or something.
 
Oh, and I am also particularly fond of my third year adviser's story. Some group wanted the freshies to sign something that would stop commercialization in UP. Things like "tuta ng mga merchant" were thrown left and right. Still, my adviser was all, "If I sign this, what then? UP has no money. If this is the only way to get money, why should we fight it?" The group hit her with some info, but the fact remained--they had not answered her question. She was the only freshie who didn't sign that thing. Aww yeah! She so hardcore, she doesn't even conform to the non-conformists! Bam bam!

All This Time...

Incubus- Out From Under
To resist is to piss in the wind
Anyone who does will end up smelling
Knowing this why do I defy?
'Cause my inner voice is yelling
There is a fist pressing against
Anyone who thinks something compelling
Our intuit we're taught to deny
Oh yes our soul we're told is for selling!
Get out from under them
Resist and multiply!
Get out from under precipice and see the sky
Get out from under them
Resist, unlearn, defy!
Get out from under precipice and see the sky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No way could anyone other than Brandon "the invisible floating torso man" Boyd pull off using the word "precipice" in a song. Oh yes. Whilst I was scrolling through my lyrics sheet of "Make Yourself," I was all like, "Whoa, did he just say 'precipice'? Demn!"
 
I forgot to drink my morning coffee today. This coupled with my breakfast of a ham and cheese sandwich made for a rather shaky time in Chem 1. I swear, I would have fallen asleep right there in the chem pav had I not had a single shred of decency left in me. After our class, we discussed this presentation outline that we had to do. As is standard fare, we exchanged names, numbers, and the like. I was the only guy in the group, and while the girls were reading the notebook with our info, they were all like, "Who's this? Jaykie? That's your name?" I just laughed and said "I sound like a friggin' teddy bear." They said it wasn't bad at all. "Ang cute nga eh..." Right. Thank God for sympathy. I wanted to say my parents were both still high on sedatives when I finally came out, but I was late enough for Math 17 as it was.
 
Soc Sci 2 was wrapped up in record time: 45 minutes. Our prof had to be somewhere on Monday, so we had to finish our study on Saint Thomas Aquinas in one sitting. I swear, he should teach like that all the time. No bullshit, just straight to the point facts. I even understood the concept of Eternal Law! Hehe. On Thursday, we start with Macchiavelli. Joy!
 
My extra time gave me a chance to have lunch at Beach House. I used to think I could never eat lunch by myself, but it actually wasn't bad at all. The whole place was quiet 'cause everyone else still had classes and there was practically no line. I suppose there's a first for everything...
 
With about an hour-and-a-half to spare, I sat down in front of our Philo 11 room. I just sat there by myself, thinking. Sure, I guess it bothered me a bit that everyone else I knew was starting to forge his or her respective posse, but I suppose socialization was never really my thing. This is who I am, this is how I am, and I will not change that for anybody. It is everybody else's responsibility to deal with me and accept me without trying to fit me into a mold. If they cannot handle that, it is their loss. Besides, life is sad enough when you have to live it by yourself, so it can only get sadder when you cannot even live with yourself. Bow.
 
After my last class, I walked to Central (yung malapit sa New Era) all the way from AS. Bad idea; my pants have never been so muddy. I had some errands to run; I needed a 2x2 picture for my ID tomorrow, plus I had to return a book that my third year adviser lent me. I was starting to be a regular at DPS; even the newer guards knew who I was by now. I had some time to kill until my adviser's last class would end, so I went to the canteen and had an early dinner. I've been eating their Chicken Katsudon for over three years now, and I remember all the changes that it underwent; the egg used to be raw, but they fry it beforehand more recently; the sauce gradually changed from semi-sweet to salty; the chili peppers were used in decreasing amounts, probably because of students complaining.
 
Everything was changing right before me. The typical DPS student used to talk much in a manner resembling, "Uy tol! Musta? Tang ina oo nga eh! Bad trip talaga tsong! Pare may nag-text!" Now, they're all, "Ma'am! Asan po si sir? Umalis na?! As in super kakaalis lang? As in exagg na kakaalis lang ha?! So like, pwede pa naming habulin?" Ack. Conyoticisms.
 
After a while, my adviser came to the faculty room. We discussed certain things, like, how I'm an autistic freak who goes it alone. Hey, she used to be like that she says, and she also has more friends who are way older than she is, so I figure 'cause I'm like that then I must be in good company. She had to leave shortly after, and so did I. When I got home, I got hold of our brand spankin' new Windows XP Pentium 4 PC! Woot! It's not on DSL though, but it is faster than before... Ahh, technology...
 
completely wrong thought of the day: G was my homie from don't-ya-know-me. We used to hang out a lot during my third year "PH34R TEH L337 ST4RCR4FTZ0RZ" days. He was a pretty kewl guy, but sometimes he was kinda creepy...
*talking about certain totally wrong subjects while watching our classmates practice for a school presentation*
G: Tol, alam mo ba, parang ano si *female classmate* ngayon.
me: Ano?
G: Alam mo na... Aroused...
me: Ha? Bakit mo naman nasabi yan?
G: Basta, nakikita ko eh...
me: Ah, ok...
How could he tell??!? I mean, geez, the girl was just there practicing and minding her own business and this dude next to me claims to know that she somehow feels a particular way at that moment? Like I said, he was kinda creepy...

A Sunny Day in España Street

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to España Street...

Pumunta kaming uste kanina. Walang dahilan, nanggulo lang. Kasama ko ang aking former classmate and present schoolmate na si Trese. Labo-labo ang pagpunta namin dun, walang plano. Basta naisip ko ay gagala lang kami sa grounds hanggang may makita kaming kakilala. Ang aangas kasi nila eh, sabi nila parang DPS lang rin daw ang uste sa dami nilang Dilimanians dun, kaya sige, go lang, bahala na.

Pagkakita ko kay Trese, unang tanong ko ay, "Alam mo ba pumunta dun?" Hindi raw. Ang natatandaan ko kasi ay sasakay kami ng Quiapo, pero hindi ako 100% super beautiful... err, sure, i meant sure. Anyway, sumakay kami ng Quiapo at medyo hindi namin alam ang pupuntahan pareho. Muntik na nga kami bumaba sa isang chapel na ang layo pa sa uste kasi ang iisang naalala ko nung nadaanan namin ang campus pauwi ng Parañaque ay yung gate. Buti na lang mabait yung manong na katabi ni Trese, sinabi niya sa amin na malayo pa ang uste. Pagkatapos ng ilang sandali ng paglalakbay, nakarating rin kami.

Nilibot namin ang campus nila. Whoa... It seemed a lot bigger than before, when we went there to attend a Physics seminar. Obviously, I overestimated the amount of Dilimanians in UST; we only met one former schoolmate before we gave up and texted our friend jeff saying we where lost, giving him a full-blown description of the area that surrounded the bench that we were sitting on. ("andito kami sa may field, katabi namin yung dalawang building na mukhang luma, asa bench kami...")

Dumating naman yung tatlo (si Jeff, si Albert at si Carlo) at medyo nag-usap lang kami. Medyo lang, yung slight na usap lang, pero hindi naman yung exagg na usap... Nakapag-tanong rin ako ng mga gaguhang bagay, gaya ng, "Bakit yung field niyo hindi palubog?" Wahaha! Ok sana, pero si Carlo badtrip eh, ang ingay. Umalis din naman si Carlo kaagad, so nilibot naming apat ang grounds. Err, actually, ni-"tour" kami nina Jeff. Na-appreciate ko naman yun kasi kahit paano ay alam ko na ang "lay of the land" kuno. Ibig sabihin, sa aking pagbabalik sa uste, alam ko na kung saan pwede maghintay at alam ko na kung saan ako madaling hanapin. ("guys i'm here lang sa canteen sa me eng'g"... the eternal waiting area) Ang weird lang, ang bilis ko kasi ma-dehydrate. Sa peyups hindi naman ako ganun... Siguro yung humidity yun. Maybe it was just me, but UST seemed really humid a while ago. Then again, perhaps the day itself was humid. Go figure.

Nakita namin si Ruffa, na busy sa pagbabasa ng libro. Medyo nag-uusap lang kami ni Albert, bigla siyang lumingon at tinawag ako. "Haller haller!" ang aking bati sa kanya. Marami siyang katanungan sa aming dalawa: "Musta?", "San ka nag-aaral ngayon?", "Trese nakikita mo ba si Hero?" Maya-maya, nakita rin namin ang aming valedictorian na si Nikki, na siyang pinakilala ako sa kanyang mga blockmate. Barbero pa rin siya hanggang ngayon, hindi na nagbago. At yung sinasabi niyang kamukha ni Sandara ay hindi naman talaga kamukha ni Sandara... Leche! Nilinlang niya ako! (Pardon the excessive SCQ references, but dammit, that's what really happened)

Nang mga alas dos na, pumunta na kami sa canteen sa tabi ng engineering. Habang naglalakad kami papunta doon, nakita kami ni Marvin, na siyang nagsisigaw, "Hoy apat yan! Mga kakilala ko yan! Tracey! Jaykie! Jeff! Albert!" Sa isip-isip naming apat, "Gago, hindi ka namin kilala." Iniwan muna kami nina Jeff sapagkat mayroon na silang klase. Maya-maya lamang ay nakita na namin sina Mitch, Em, EZ at Kris Quin. Tanungan na naman: "Asan si Rovic?", "Musta naman ang UP?", "Jaykie bakit 'di ka na lang nag-Ateneo?", "Trese nakikita mo ba si Hero?" Oh no, galit na si Trese. Parang isang beses na lang na marinig niya ang tanong na yan ay tatayo na siya at magsi-speech ng "Excuse me! For your information, I do NOT see Hero Angeles at all! So what if we're both taking up Fine Arts Viscom in UP Diliman? Please people, I am a person who does not wish to be defined by somebody who is correlated to me by the nth degree due to some inexplicable coincidental circumstance!"

Pagkalipas ng kalahating-oras ay dumating na si Raffy dude. Sabi ko kay Ela na hanapin kami dun, pero may advanced math classes pala siya. Sige, next time na lang. Si Rafael ganun pa rin; lagi pa ring busy, gumagawa ng project, masipag na bata. Heh... Di tulad ko na hindi na nag-aaral sa exam sa Math 17. Mga alas tres na noon at naisipan nang umalis nina Em at Trese, kaya sinamahan ko na lamang si Raffy sa pagkuha niya ng pina-acetate niyang project. Iniwan niya ako sa isang canteen kasi medyo gutom na rin ako noon. Still, I couldn't help but feel like the little kid that gets ditched by his or her mother somewhere... "O sha anak, diyan ka lang ha? Wag kang gagalaw, at wag mong kausapin ang mga hindi mo kakilala! Wag kang sasama kung kani-kanino ha?!"

Umuwi na si Raffy at hinintay ko si Jeff sa labas ng canteen sa may eng'g. Medyo nakapag-nilay-nilay ako sa panahong iyon. Aaminin ko, dati talaga masyadong mataas ang tingin ko sa UP. At oo, hindi ganun kataas ang tingin ko sa UST. (ni hindi nga ako nag-exam doon eh) Pero, nang makita ko naman ang takbo ng buhay dito, ang masasabi ko lamang ay ito: walang pinagkaiba.

I know, there is the whole schedule thing, the curriculum etcetera, but all those differences really are superficial. All our schools are just that; names only matter when we let them get to us. It's not really where you are, it's what you learn. Just look at my dad--he dropped out of some no-name college during his third year, but he's able to provide my family with an upper-middle-class lifestyle. I'm sure we all know that there are a LOT of graduates from big name state universities who could not attest to having accomplished anything that resembles that kind of success, even with their fancy-schmancy college degrees and all. Still, even my father admits he would have been able to do a lot more in life had he finished college. But then, it's true what they say--"Ano man ang mangyari, nasa tao talaga yan." Err, or something that resembles that. You get my point (hopefully).

Perhaps you might feel like rebutting, "That is easy for you to say; you got into UP Diliman and you passed the ACET with honors." True, but what does any of that mean? If you work hard enough while I stay home and do nothing, who will be better off? (I'm tempted to add "You or me? Me or you? And the final is you. There you go.") My point is, some people (myself included at times) get too hung up on names. We're obssessing, and that is not good. It's a nasty habit that I feel I should kick, and I can only hope everyone else shares my sentiments.

Mga ten after four nang makita kong muli si Jeff. Sumunod si Stephee at si Lian, at kumain na naman kami. Nauna na si Lian, ngunit nanatili kaming tatlo upang hintayin ang aming mga kaibigang sina BJ at Rem. Nang makita namin ang dalawa, biglang napadaan ang isa pa naming kaibigang si Hazel. Lahat kami ay umuwi na, at heto, ako'y nagta-type. Oo. Typing, typing... La-la-la...

Masaya sa uste, pero medyo depressing. Parang may claustrophobic sense kasi dahil sa mga masisikip na kalsada. Medyo naiilang ako, pero siguro madali lang masanay doon. Saka ang dami kasing mga malalaking building na gawa sa bato. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero natatakot ako sa mga ganun, lalong-lalo na pag simbahan... Anyway, bibisita ulit ako sa August. Heeheehee... I'm very much looking forward to it.

completely wrong thought(s) of the day: We learn something new everyday, and these are the things that I learned today...
-Fare from Philcoa to UST: 9.50
-Fare from UST to Examiner: 8.00
-Bawal ang mga FEU pips sa loob ng uste. (don't ask me why; si Raffy dude nagkwento sa akin nun)
-Ang arch na malapit sa entrance ay sagrado sa mga ustetician. Bawal kang dumaan dito palabas kapag estudyante ka pa lamang dahil ibig-sabihin nito ay ida-drop mo ang lahat ng subjects mo (or something like that; the exact meaning was lost in the translation I suppose). Dapat ginagawa mo lang yun kapag naka-graduate ka na.
-My ustetician friends say: Grabe yung mga Fine Arts! Ang hahaba ng buhok ng mga lalake tapos ang weird nila manamit tapos... etc etc.
-Trese replies: Ho-hum... I've seen worse. That's a tad on the average side actually...
Mga korni jowks namin sa jeep
-"I'm on a seafood diet--when I see food, I eat them!"
-"Anong parte ng bahay ang hayop? Roof Roof!"
-"Anong hayop ang sumasabog? Pagong!"
-"Anong hayop ang bulletproof? Pating!"
-"Ano ang sinasabi ng mga conyotic sa rally? Let's make baka! Don't be takot!"
-"Ano ang kotse ng mga conyo? Hon-duh!"
-"Ano ang kotse ng mga mas conyo? Maz-duh!"
-Everyone who is not that close to me figured I went to Ateneo. Even my ustetician friends who know I'm a peyupster tell me "Bakit hindi ka na lang nag-Ateneo?" I don't know. Really, I don't. I have no idea what I'm doing or for what purpose, but that will not stop me from doing it. I feel fine as I am and I do not regret it one bit.
-Then again, I would like to impose to my Atenean friend a rather queer idea: adopt-a-peyupster. How does it work? Simple: let a peyupster cheer for your basketball team, and you get something in return (I'm still thinking that part over) from said peyupster.
-Honestly, who wants to be a fan of the UP Fighting Morons anyway? Are we really going to let all sports competitions degrade into frenzied adrenaline-pumped peyupsters screaming at the victors, "IQ test na lang!" So please, please, let me cheer for the Blue Eagles without the hassle of being called a wannabe or a poser. I thank you.

I am Sandara's #1 Fan

Dear fans of Hero,

I'm a pretty nice guy. All things considered, I'm really not that bad. This is why I wonder why you hate me so much, why you roll your eyes whenever you happen to "overhear" one of my conversations, and why you test my objectivity so damn much... so damn, damn much...

You happen to like Hero. Fine, I respect that. But still, this does not give you the right to viciously assault me, a casual fan of Sandara Park. I really don't see the point in all of it; they just entertain me is all. So what if I really feel Sandy should have won? So what if I lost some cash betting on her to win in the finals? So what if your idol beat her? This shouldn't really be the cause of any hate amongst our houses...

Aw crap, screw it! How could you? How could any of you even lay eyes on this guy? Are you not aware that your idol is nothing more than a no-talent camera whore?! And where does he get off beating Sandara, my dear, sweet, beloved Sandara?

I don't understand it! How could that guy win? I always thought Philippine showbiz was based purely on looks. I mean, geez, Heart Evangelista?! Haller??!? Sandara is way, WAY more attractive than Hero will EVER be!!! You people are frickin' blind! (either that or you're frickin' gay)

Oh right, he's got "talent." Well if this so-called "talent" was so damn important, what happens when this starts to decline? And did it ever occur to you that talent can be obtained through practice? Did you ever think of that?! Did you ever consider that maybe, just maybe, Hero's talent is already at its highest point and Sandara's is yet to be discovered only to greatly surpass that of the former? Didn't think of that did ya Eisenstein?

What, do you think he's so damn smart cause he studies in UP? Two words people: talent test. Think about it: would it be fair to you, the ugly-talentless-intellectual, for someone like that to have looks, "talent," AND brains?! No frickin' way man! Someone upstairs musta DEFINITELY screwed up if that were the case. At least Sandara doesn't "pretend" to be smarter than she is. She keeps it real; Hero is a poser. (I bet the televised version of his life story was nothing more than a gross exaggeration of a normal middle class lifestyle)

And all you peyupsters who gush at the sound of his name, would you all please stop? I am damn sick and tired of hearing you blab away on the toki about how you almost met this guy at the OUR who kinda-maybe-sorta looks like him, or how you treat his classmates like friggin' rock stars just because they've actually talked to him, or how you mob Bartlett Hall everyday so you can beg and plead for an autograph. He doesn't care! He's a "star" now! All that matters now is the money and the fame! So what if you stop worshipping the ground he steps on? He's got a million more lunatics where you came from. To him, you are nothing more than an expendable resource.

He is so unlike my beloved... She's perfect, absolutely perfect. That smile, those eyes, that hair... Ahihihi! Oh my sweet, sweet Sandara... I read somewhere that if I answered that friendster quiz right and sent it to thirteen people I get to meet you in two weeks and we would fall in love and get married. Only two days left now my pet... Soon, soon, we will be together, and then, then...

Don't you dare criticize me, hypocrite! What, you say I only love her for her looks?! So what?!?? At least I have the balls to admit that! Why do YOU like Hero anyway? Is it because of his "talent"? His "intellect"? His "great personality"? Hah! Don't make me laugh!

But then, nothing will change. You lower forms of life will always feel the same way, and I can't do anything about that. Take my advice though: get a life. FAST. God knows you need it. But I know you wouldn't do that... why do I even bother...

While I would love to keep telling you how much of a loser you are, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me. My Sandara shrine could use some more incense...

Disclaimer: The following work is pure fiction. The thoughts presented here do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author. Truth be told, I don't think I even deserve an opinion, for I have not seen a single episode of SCQ nor would I be caught dead watching one.

completely wrong thought of the day: walang maisip... it's not really "wrong," but it's too short for an actual entry, so here we go...
The Incubus Fancore
hater- has never heard of/despises them. hates Brandon Boyd and claims to be more attractive than he ever will be. often overdoses on hallucinogens.
non-fan- the name of the band seems vaguely familiar to them. hums "Are you in?" or "Wish you were here" but has no idea who sang them. thinks that guy with the long hair is cute.
the raving lunatic- has no idea that Incubus plays music. thinks Brandon Boyd is a hottie.
the slightly below average fan- listens to "Morning View" and "Crow Left of the Murder". likes the music, but has never bought a CD. only listens to them on MTV and on the radio at times. thinks Brandon Boyd is kewl.
the fan (period)- listens to their music from "Make Yourself" up. has actual likes and dislikes regarding the music. doesn't necessarily worship the frontman; it could be that the fan likes the guitarist or the DJ, or even the drummer, but all solely based on the music. looked up Incubus in the dictionary or asked Triggerman on infopop what it meant.
hardcore- has known what an Incubus is even before hearing of the band. liked them as an underground band. likes "Fungus Amongus" and "S.C.I.E.N.C.E." more than the newer albums, which he or she claims to be more catered to mainstream tastes. thinks people who do not measure up as well in terms of "hardcore"-ness are all posers. likes the band as a whole. looks exactly like Brandon Boyd.

This is the story of a girl

Disclaimer: those of you who expected some profound romantic personal "thing" will be disappointed; this is nothing more than some weird trippy RPG-like story that just happens to revolve around a girl (sort of). any events and situations contained herein do not reflect on my personal life, and those of you who choose to annoy me about it being otherwise will get beaten by a crazed lunatic carrying a stick. you have been warned. >_<

he was staring up into the sky again, his eyes with the same blank expression he had always worn for years. he looked at the stars as if they were more familiar to him than the grass on which he lay at the moment. he was humming that song to himself again, his eyes closed. he stirred a bit and tried to stand up, but he decided to stay exactly where he was; the night was too beautiful to have it all end so abruptly.

pain. there was only pain right now. he put his hand over his heart and ruffled his white shirt a bit, as if to remind himself of her. then again, how could he forget? he saw her everywhere--amidst the stars in the night, in the crowds of people strolling about the town below, in the darkness that consumed him whenever he would close his eyes. try as he might, he could not forget her. she was a part of him now; his heart was in her clutches, though this was much to his dismay.

he rolled to one side, trying to forget about it; there were too many things to worry about right now. they would be coming for him soon, and he should have been ready hours ago. right now, his companions were walking towards him from somewhere in that town below. he was going to use that time to prepare for the long journey, the success of which proving absolutely crucial to the lives of far too many people.

and yet, this was the least of his worries. he had no doubt that they would succeed. he had always been rather arrogant. the only thing on his mind right now was the memory of her--that smile she always wore, the sound of her voice, the mild aroma she emanates, the touch of her skin--these things possessed him, and no matter how hard he tried to break away from her, he wound up exactly where he was before. while it was very painful to remember, it seemed infinitely more painful to forget.

distracted as he was with the thought of her, he still noticed the people who were inching their way towards him from the bottom of the hill. one of his companions, whose identity was hidden by a cloak, spoke to him.
"We must take our leave, child. We have given you long enough."
he sat up silently, his eyes poised at the distant skyline. he ran his hand over his heart again for just a second, and again his companion spoke.
"You were instructed to deal with this matter. I must say, I am disappointed."
without looking at the one who spoke, he muttered, "...I'll be fine."
"This can not be allowed to continue, child. Your condition has left you weak."
slowly, he turned to face his companions. he merely cracked them a smile.
"Has it?"
"So be it, child, but remember, everyone, including her, will suffer if you fail..."
"...that's not going to happen." he blurted out. his tone had not changed, but his eyes turned fiery red in anger, his stare piercing the hearts of the men whom he addressed, the others merely looking at him in bewilderment. he soon regained his composure and his eyes had returned to their usual self--empty, dazed, and looking a million miles away.
"Come now, we've wasted enough time."
he stood up while the others slowly walked away from him. he soon caught up and they all made their way towards the huge precipice that was swallowing the stars from the sky. he could only think of her at this time, but it was all right, for she did not weaken him anymore. he muttered softly to himself, "This is who I am, and that will not change, not for her, not for anyone... We all just have to live with that..."

completely wrong thought of the day: i can't take it anymore. someone please give me a lobotomy, please make me forget the horror... my eyes, my mind, my soul, my senses have been raped by this abomination, this twisted, foul fruit of the fiery depths of the underworld. oh what a cruel, cruel encephalon chose to spawn so evil a sensation that it would make the most valiant and courageous examples of our great race cringe at the mere sight of it? oh please, please make it stop, make it stooooopppp!!!!!

four words: "smile mo, kita ko!" again, "smile mo, kita ko!"

AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! will somebody please think of the children??!? the horror! THE HORROR!!!!!

The fates beckon

this is so wrong...

my family kinda owns this school called faith christian academy, which is in the novaliches area in quezon city. my sister took over as the administrator, hopefully providing some damage control, as the school was, shall we say, horribly misrepresented over these past few years. it's not a famous school by any stretch; i think it doesn't join those academic contest thingies. i have no idea on their standard of education, but i believe they got one student to pass the UPCAT in their nine years of existence. whether that is taken as a good thing or a bad thing eludes me. but the one thing i do know is this-- they're utterly desperate. why, you may ask? well, my mother asked me to teach at said school.

that's right, teach. i, at the tender age of 17 years old, not even finishing one semester as a UP math major, was asked to corrupt the unmolded minds of our youth with my sociopathic and angsty tendencies. granted, this does pose a nice opportunity to have my own private army poised, frothing at the mouth, and fanatically loyal to me, but dammit, i just don't know about this whole teaching thing.

i figure it would be nice to pull a silentwater, sort of; somehow, i do kinda wanna meet this one (dare i say it?) brilliant genius spawn who'll be a much better person under my tutelage. but geez, this won't even end up on my résumé. i'm gonna be workin' for nothing, and my asking for the money that i so righteously deserve will result in my entire family ganging up on me with their speeches on "there is more to this world than just money!" or "so this is the thanks we get after raising you and taking care of you?"

people, this isn't a complex matter of loyalty to the family or anything like that. it's simple-- i teach, i eat. plain and simple. that's what working men deserve, not to get absolutely nothing from taking time from their busy schedules so they can be placed in the middle of a tepid classroom wishing they were back at home listening to their incubus cd while reading up on socio-political theories.

sure, i have long dreamt of acquiring a protégé, but get real dude! i'm gonna be teaching to grade school kids. they won't even remember me after they get outta their school! besides, i'd much rather teach high school; i wanna rub it into their faces that i'm only a couple of years older than they are, yet i am now the master and they are the slaves of my will. hahahaha! UR IN73LL3CT SUX0RZ. MY IN73LL3C7 PWNS. PH34R MY IN73LL3C7. PH34R TEH L337 T34CH0RZ.

yeesh. my inevitable destiny as a pathetic math major is unravelling right before my eyes. the cosmos damn well better grant me control over, say, a friggin' island or something, or at the very least guide me towards finding me "only one" soon...

completely wrong thought of the day: today's thought was partially discussed while sitting down somewhere in AS. thanks again Jam.

boy a and girl b are sharing a nice day together on a bench overlooking a huge green field. both a and b are enjoying the day together. they watch a butterfly fly up in front of them, and silently they accept it as a symbol of their beautiful relationship.

now, jam and i were mutually pissed at different things, and we were feeling kinda trippy. jam clutched the butterfly in her hand and squeezed the life out of it, and i imitated the butterfly's high-pitched insect voice screaming, "nooo! nooo! don't kill me! i don't want to diiieee!!!" jam can only mutter "i hate butterflies!" through her clenched teeth of rage, while i laugh psychotically after finishing my lines. soon, jam joins me, and we both laugh like psychos while a and b run for their lives...

Da tru istory op DPS glory

hindi ako mayabang na nilalang... WAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! hoohoo... hooh... hoo boy... wahaha... ayos yun... pwede na pala akong mag-komedyante niyan eh!

ayan, seryoso na. hindi ako mayabang na nilalang. totoo yan, kahit minsan (uhm, sige na nga, madalas) parang hindi. hindi nga, humble type ako. ayoko nang nagyayabang ako at ayoko ng mga taong mayayabang. ayoko talaga. ngunit, sa pagkakataong ito, kailangang malaman ng aking mga faithful readers ang katotohanan.

ayokong lapastanganin ang kapwa kong mga iskulmeyts. proud ako sa kanila. mahuhusay sila. magagaling. ayokong maliitin ang mga nakamit nilang pagkapanalo sa dinami-daming pagsasanay na ginawa nila. namula ang kanilang mga kamay sa kakaswing, mga paa sa kasisipa, mga utak sa kakaisip. pero ito talaga ang totoo-- ako lamang ang nagbingay ng dangal sa batch namin sa DPS. oo, ako lamang. tanging ako lamang. hindi si japoy, hindi si matet, hindi si ian kit at hindi rin si sheila. ako lang. me. M-E. A-K-O. hahahahaha...

may kokontra ba? bakit, ano naman ang mali sa sinabi ko? malamang si japoy 'di na pwede kasi wala na siya. si ian kit naman runner-up lang. ha! runner-up! talo sa chiang kai shek! si sheila naman nanalo pero wala na namang may pakialam dun eh, at saka hindi naman namin yun ka-batchmate. si matet naman, saan ba naglaro yun? sa california? sus, no match sakin yan boy...

pero, kahit totoo ang pangalawa kong talata, tanging ako lamang ang naniniwala dito. lahat ng mga naiwan sa DPS ay nakalimutan na kung sino ako, pero kahit noon pa ay wala naman talagang may pakialam doon. alam niyo ba kung bakit? heto ang aking analysis:
-si japoy ay nananalo sa international level. isa siyang boy tae kwon do, kaya ang hinahatid niyang mensahe sa mga taga ibang school ay, "kapag kinupal niyo ang DPS, pagsisisipain ko kayo hanggang mamula na ang buong katawan ninyo!" lumalabas siya sa tv. ang average dilimanian ay walang pakialam na hindi siya marunong mag-sipilyo, basta madalas makita sa tv sikat. at gwapo siya, na makikita sa official phrase ng mga bona fide DPS girls: "i love you japoy! i crush you! you're so gwapo talaga!" may kasabihan na sa akin lang nanggaling pero totoo rin naman: kung babae ka at wala kang crush kay japoy, either hindi ka dilimanian or tibo ka.
-si ian kit at si sheila ay lumabas sa tv. 'nuff said.
-si matet ay isang golfista na lumaban sa california ata... heniweiz, lamang siya sa akin (actually, sila ni japoy) dahil hindi nila tinalo si berto, si juan at si nonoy; ang tinalo nila ay si joe, si tom at si harry. ano ba naman yan, ang sama ko talagang nilalang; nakikipag-sagupaan ako sa mga sarili kong kababayan para lang mapatunayang marunong akong mag-sulat. buti pa sila, at least kahit paano nabigyang dangal nila ang buong pinas, na para bang sabihin, "mess with the PI and you die apple pie!" ok, ansagwa nun. kalimutan.

heto naman ang sa akin. unang-una, kailan man ay hindi pa ako lumabas sa tv bilang contestant (naging spectator ako noong laban ni ian kit sa LG). tapos, mali ang mensaheng ipinapadala ko sa mga kabataan ng DPS. ang mga nasabi kong celebs kuno ay sinasabi kumbaga "practice hard, study hard, reach for your dreams!" at ako naman ay nagsasabi ng "have angst and lots of it. pain is good. you either have talent or you don't. if you don't, malas lang, wala kang mapapala sa buhay," datapwa't hindi ako nag-aral kailanman para sa mga paligsahang sinalihan ko.

ngunit, ang mismong dahilan kung bakit mas kanais-nais ang dangal na idinadala ng ibang dilimanians sa DPS ay dahil sa aming nalalabing tadhana. isipin niyo na lang na ang mga nasabi ko'y mga athletes o mga lumabas sa tv. ang mga athletes ay magpapalakas sa mga international squads natin, at makikilala ang pilipinas bilang isang bansa na punung-puno ng mga mahuhusay at talentadong nilalang sa larangan ng sports. ang mga lumabas na sa tv, bagama't sanay na sila sa kamera, ay malamang na magiging mga talk show host o broadcaster, yun bang matalino ka pero sikat ka. ako naman, ano kaya ang kapalaran ko? isipin muna natin a. math... writing... math... writing... naku, masamang kombinasyon yan! alam niyo na ba kung bakit?

sige, sasabihin ko na. balang araw, gagawa ako ng mga theorem. oo, tama ka, theorem nga, yung mga pinapakabisado sa inyo sa geom na nagpapasakit lamang ng ulo ninyo, yung mga walang kwentang "if a and b are elements of the set of integers and n is the power to which a and b are raised to the nth degree, then the subset of the correlation between the line formed between a and b are directly proportionate to the perpendicular velocity represented by (a-n) over (b-m) such that for all x there exists at most one value for y iff the value of r on the equation of the circle exceeds the limits of the polynomial p(x), in which case the quadratic formula is used to determine the principal nth root of the equation..." tama na! hindi ko mapipigilan ang sarili kong tadhana... kung ayaw ninyong pahirapan ang mga anak ninyo pagdating nila sa hayskul, patayin niyo na ako habang maaga pa. kahit hindi naman sigurado na ganyan nga ang magiging silbi ko sa mundong ito, it's better safe than sorry.

the author would like to note that he really isn't an arrogant bastard; he merely used this persona for comic effect in the entry (though it seems he was the only one who found anything to laugh at). he is actually a pretty nice guy, very down to earth and fun to be with, and most certainly a perfect gentleman. oh, and some say he's kinda cute too.

completely wrong thought of the day:
girl at window: hello sir, may i take your order?
me: yeah, i think i'll have one of those sandwiches... yung nasa promo.
girl at window: ok, anything else sir?
me: hinde, ok na yan.
girl at window: 69 po sir.
me: hinde hinde, ok na nga eh, yung sandwich na lang...
girl at window: *looks pissed* 69 pesos po.
me: oh.

First-hand suckiness

ok, i'll admit it. while i've long been referring to our basketball team as the "UP Fighting Morons," i must admit that this is solely based on public opinion. i had never seen them play a single UAAP game. well, before i watched them on tv yesterday, that is. (i would have watched in araneta with some la sallian friends, but they so totally bailed on me)

wow, they really do suck! i had to see it for myself or else i never would have believed it. but then, i couldn't help but ask: why? why do they all look like they could be beaten by a rag-tag bunch of WWII veterans, each with missing appendages? normally i really wouldn't care, but i would very much like to have no weaknesses when i next meet my friends from high school...
*begin future sequence*
me: yes, i suppose life as an iron chef isn't all that bad.
x: tang ina mo paker hina niyo sa basketbol!
me: oh really, how impertinent! that, my friend, was uncalled for. how are you doing old buddy?
x: tang ina mo paker hina niyo sa basketbol!
me: i say, do stop this right now! how very uncivilized!
x: tang ina mo paker hina niyo sa basketbol!
me: ULUL KA GAGO TANG INA MO MAHIRAP KA POTA BOBO KA MANGMANG PAK U!
*end future sequence*
...as i like to say, this is clearly a loose end, and all loose ends must be tied. and so, i invested some time and thought into this whole recruitment process and what could have possibly gone wrong.

is it because of UP's weak sports program? i had heard from friends that players of other universities, say, ateneo, la salle etc. receive huge benefits: cars, condominiums and the like. i figure this could be part of the problem, since UP really has nothing more to attract promising young athletes to join their program other than registration perks and a UP diploma. while the most fanatically loyal and arrogant amongst us peyupsters would like to believe this is enough to snag some talented players to our squads, the fact of the matter is this really doesn't amount to diddly-squat. really, is it so much to ask for all-u-can-eat street foods, free toki rides, one valid uno in a subject of the player's choosing, up to 100 pages of free photocopies of anything, or shopping center gift certificates? whoever's in charge has obviously forgotten to pick up a copy of "da rulz of life"-- if ya got it, flaunt it.

seriously though, they have some major issues to work out. honestly, it's as if they don't know nuthin' 'bout the game. they all be trippin' with the wack ish biatch! so, as a semi-fan AND veteran spectator of many a NBA Finals series (i needed something to tide me over while waiting for Star Trek Voyager), i would like to offer my unsolicited advice. *clears throat*

that spherical orange thing is called the "ball." when you have the "ball," we say that is "good." when you don't have the "ball," we say that's "bad." but, even when you have the "ball," it's a "bad" thing if you hold onto it for too long. so wait a minute here, perhaps you're wondering, "what in heaven's name am i to do with it then?" well, that red thing that's stuck to a square panel of glass is called the "rim," and that dangly white thing under the "rim" is called the "net." now, the object of the game is to take the "ball" and put it through the "rim" and "net." when you do this, you "score," or amass "points," but only if the "rim" you put the "ball" through is "your rim." you'll know it's "your rim" when some "guy" who's wearing a "jersey" that has a difference in color from the one you're wearing tries to put his "hand" on the "ball" as the "ball" takes its natural "flight path" towards the "rim." now, when the "ball" hits the "rim" but doesn't go through it, you're supposed to "grab" the "ball" to try and put it through the "rim" once more. this is called a "rebound." i know that sounds confusing, but stay with me here. after the "time" ends, the "game" is "over." we find out who "won" depending on who has "more points" or the higher "score." when you "win," we say that's "good." you will then seem very attractive to "girls"... oh, right, you know more about that part than i do. any questions?

completely wrong thought of the day: i always thought the anomalous shift in the cosmic order, which has a huge bearing on my life would, like, i dunno, line up the north star with the moon in the fifth orbit of the space station karshrak xer'nul with a highly concentrated level of theta radiation in the delta quadrant where the holographic matrix shall be distorted by the tachyon pulses emanating from the anti-matter within the proximity of the temporal prime directive, which shall cause the formation of anti-neutrinos. err... what was the question again? sorry, you lost me.

Cigarette sub-culture 101

unti-unting nasusunog ang aking mundo...

yosi. sa karamihan, isang "rite of passage" kumbaga ang masubukan ang mga deathsticks na 'to kahit isang beses lamang. malamang, isa na ako sa mga dumaan sa rite na ito. sa murang edad na katorse anyos ay kinorap na ng yosi ang aking buhay. (hulaan niyo na lang kung sinu-sino ang aking mga magagaling na guro)

maraming dahilan para mag-yosi: trippings lang, para ma-relieve ang stress, para mukhang "cool" (o pakiramdam lang ay mukhang "cool"... inaamin ko, dati pakiramdam ko daig ko ang mga anghel at nerd sa mundong ito dahil ako nagyoyosi at sila hindi). marami ring mga sitwasyon sa buhay upang mag-yosi: pagkatapos kumain, habang nasa banyo, habang umiinom ng alak o kape, habang nagcclubbing, pag-stressed out, pag hinahanap na ng katawan mo, pagkatapos makipag-sex (vicariously speaking).

sa ilang taon nang nakalipas mula nang turuan ako, marami na rin akong napagdaanang kaha, kadalasan ay may kalakip na significant experience. syempre, bawat isang stick ay may kabawasan ng labing-isang minuto sa buhay ko, pero wala na 'kong pakialam dun; patay na kung patay. heto ang mga iba't-ibang brand na nasubukan ko na...

west. sa west ice ako tinuruan mag-yo. naks, mukhang conyotic pa and everythang. kadalasan hinihingi ko lang ito, pero habang tumagal ay hindi na ito ang dinadala ng aking supplier. isang kaha pa lang nito ang nabibili ko sa buong buhay ko, na naubos sa loob ng bente-kwatro oras (syempre kasama na dyan ang mga simpleng "pahingi" ng mga kakilala ko). dati bumili ako ng kaha ng formula lights, na hinawakan lang ng kaibigan ko noon (siya madalas naghahawak ng mga kahang binibili ko kasi takot akong mabuking, kaya kahit ako mismo ang nagyo-yo parang vicarious na rin ang experience. kumbaga, metaphorically speaking, ako ang nagbabayad pero siya ang nagsisindi para sakin). 'di ko trip; ampanget ng lasa.

marlboro. nang medyo poor na ang nililimosan ko ng yosi, tumigil na siya sa pagbili ng west ice at nag-marlboro lights na lang siya. ok rin, must-have pagkatapos ng isang mahabang araw ng paglalaro ng counter-strike at battle realms. heto ang kasama ko sa mga araw na lalabas kami alas-singko nang hapon, uuwi alas-siyete nang umaga, matutulog alas-onze nang umaga. ansaya! yung regular, yung pula lang, nasubukan ko na rin. dati yan ang binibili namin ng kaibigan ko pag dumadayo kami ng megamall, na siya rin ang naghahawak ng kaha. kupal talaga yung taong yun; sa pagkamahal-mahal na bili ko sa ginintuang kahang yun, iilan lang ang mapupunta sakin, sa kanya pa ang wish stick. leche. tapos dati, sa isa ko pang kaibigan, nakalimos ako ng isang stick nito, pero nanghihinayang pa siya noon kasi imported pa daw yung kaha niyang yun, galing pa daw ng japan. sus, ang arte...

winston. nang mas lalo pang naging poor ang supplier ko, winston lights na lang. mas gusto ko yung marlboro lights, pero sige lang, basta libre. kadalasan ito rin ang nahihingi ko sa mga ka-berks ko noong "boogie nights" days ko (mga third year high school ito). yung regular nito na sa pinas lang ginawa binibili lang namin kapag bumibisita kami ng tandang sora. bwiset talaga yung kaibigan kong yun, talagang sinabi pa sa akin na nandoon yung isang babaeng kakilala niya na gustong makipag-date sakin para lang sumama ako, tapos ipapalibre lang pala ang buong barkada niya sa isang oras ng counter-strike version 1.3 (ang latest ng panahong iyon)... pakshet talaga!

mild seven. charcoal lights ata yun. noong isang episode namin ng "boogie nights," walang nagdala ng yosi. pumunta pa kami sa tindahan malapit sa abs-cbn, at ito na lang ang meron sila. panget nga, pero no choice. nakaraos naman kami; nakapag-chess naman kami ng maayos at isa-isa kong nilampaso ang mga ungas na kabarkada ko noon na nag-aakalang matatalo nila ako sa larong ito... ahahahahaha!

capri. ito yung manipis diba? once nasubukan ko na 'to. ang naaalala ko na lang ay ang sinabi ng isa kong ka-berks: yung usok niyan parang yung hangin ng aircon. tang inang yan, nalagyan pa ng freon ang sistema ko... err, freon nga ba yun? o sa ref lang ba yung freon? ewan ko, ibabagsak ko ata chem 1 ko ngayon eh...

more. manipis din, kaso kulay brown. once pa lang rin. ok lang, medyo malamig... leche, menthol ata nabigay sa akin noon eh...

kahit anong menthol. yuck, wag na! lahat ng kakilala ko sinasabing nakakabaog daw ito. tapos, sinasabi rin na ito ang yosi ng mga prosti/call boy. kaya no thanks... pero isang beses ay napag-tiyagaan na rin namin ito. no choice eh, yun na lang ang natira sa tindahan. syet talaga, sana lang magka-pamilya pa ako niyan...

dj mix (mixx?). wow, ang kyut! so many colors and flavors! ang yellow na lemon, red/pink na strawberry, green na, err, 'di ko alam, hula ko menthol, lime, wasabi o marijuana ang flavor nito, saka yung itim na, hmm, di ko rin alam, hula ko regular, licorice, tar o concrete naman ang flavor nito. una kong nasubukan yung lemon, na parang halls lang. tapos yung pink... grabe, nakaka-adik yung pink! peborits! pero kaunti lang rin ang mga stick ng dj na naubos ko. nalaman ko na lang bigla na may marijuana pala ito. oh well, wala na akong magagawa dun, pero ngayon hindi na ako nagtataka kung bakit parang adik na adik ako dun sa pink. baka rin naman nabighani lang ako dun sa kulay noh?!

gudang garam (hindi ako sure sa spelling niyan). 'eto dati ko pang alam na 5% nito ay marijuana, pero ok lang. masarap siya, lasang juicy fruit. nanunuot yung tamis nito sa labi, kaya kahit ubos na ito ay ninanamnam mo pa rin ang lasa. ayon sa kaklase ko noon, kapag dineretso mo ang dalawang kaha nito ay mah-high ka daw. pero, ayon sa kalkulasyon ko, benteng stick lang ang kailangan kung mah-high ka na sa isang stick ng marijuana na kasing haba lang ng stick ng gudang, kasi 5% x 20 ay 100% marijuana, plus 95% x 20 na composed of other ingredients. wala na 'kong balak subukan ito; kung ganun at ganun lang rin naman ay sana nag-sunog na lang ako ng damo.

yan ang aking mga pagmumuni-muni tungkol sa yo-yo-yo. hindi ko na maiwasan ang pag-isipan yan dahil sa atmosphere naming magkakasama kanina sa starbucks. coffee shop eh, malamang hindi maaaring mawala ang yosi diyan diba? naiintindihan ko ang compulsion ng isang taong mag-light ng mga stick kahit alam nilang masama ito. sa totoo lang, masarap! sa simula mahirap nga, pero pag nasanay ka na, mahirap na tumigil. hindi na lilipas ang isang araw na hindi ka nakapag-dikit sa labi mo ng kahit isang umaapoy na stick ng kamatayan. ganyan lang talaga. nakaka-adik.

buti na lang matagal na 'kong nag-quit.

completely wrong thought of the day: dati, may dala-dala akong lighter palagi na kinupit ko lang ata sa kasamahan ko. hiniram ito ng isa kong ka-berks at nawala niya daw sa jeep. tang ina talaga, banas na banas ako noon. hanggang ngayon, kahit 'di na ko nagyo-yo, nanghihinayang pa rin ako ng kaunti sa lighter na yun sapagkat malaki itong tulong sa pang-araw-araw na buhay. pero siguro ang pinakamalala nang kawalan sa akin ay ang social capabilities ng isang lighter. imagine, naka-upo ako sa starbucks mag-isa at walang magawa, kaya pinaglalaruan ko na lang ang lighter ko at ang kandila sa measa, tapos may lalapit na lang sakin biglang isang babae na kamukha ni sandara park. tatanungin niya ako...
"Excuse me, but could I have a light?"
...na siyang sasagutin ko naman ng...
"Sure, if you'd let me buy you some coffee."
...na medyo pagninilay-nilayan niya ng ilang segundo bago siya sumagot ng...
"Well, alright... I do believe I would like that..." *ngiti*
...na magiging simula ng aming conversations tungkol sa kung anumang mga bagay ang matipuhan naman o common interest namin. maya-maya lamang, pagkatapos ng aming usapan, mahiya-hiya niya akong tatanungin...
*blushes slightly*"This does seem terribly embarrassing, but might it be possible for me to give you my phone number?"
...na re-replyan ko naman ng...
"I would like that, very much so..." *matching ngiti*
...at which point kukuha siya ng isang pirasong tissue, susulatan ng mamahaling fountain pen, lalagyan ng red lipstick kiss mark at iaabot sakin na may number at pangalan niya kasabay ng isang...
"Call me..." *kindat*
ayos! yun ay pag may lighter ako, pero nawala nga ng lintik kong ka-berks eh. sayang talaga...

This is a sort of work of fiction

hi, i'm jaykie. my friends call me jaykie. i prefer to be called jaykie. you can call me jaykie.

remember that name; a few years from now, millions of children will have that name bestowed upon them by their parents in hopes that they might become even half as successful as i am (or will be... here's to crossed fingers!)-- iron chef, video game character, lawyer and supreme evil dictator of the whole entire world. ok, maybe part-time astronaut... oh, and i could write screenplays! you know, i have this friend who has this totally cute love story! i swear, it is like soooo adorable! paniguradong patok sa takilya! wish ko lang makuha ko yung rights doon sa story niya... err, i'm sorry, where was i?

right right, my name. jaykie, when translated from its native my-parents-must-have-been-severely-disoriented-when-i-was-born tongue means "fat ugly sociopathic retard whose negative qualities are in a state of perpetual degradation." thanks to this name, i will never, ever be taken seriously in the business world (i figure attorney jaykie [last name] will always be accompanied by the sound of muffled giggles).

but dammit, it isn't the cards you're dealt, it's how ya play 'em. so, i went and did what any self-respecting male with a less-than-respectful-sounding name would do-- plan my schemes of world domination. history has shown us that names have no bearing on the path towards taking over the world (i mean, c'mon, adolf? the hell is that?!), thus i am in prime condition to take the said position... and if i trust my intuition in leading to these visions i don't need yo damn permission to put up this exhibition! shizzle dizzle! uhm, let's move on...

perhaps the biggest hindrance to this would-be goal, however, would be my innate ability to excel in mathematics. you see, my father was always inhumanly good at math, an ability that was passed on to me. yes, dear reader, you heard right-- i'm a walkin' friggin' calculator. the problem is, i'm GOOD at math AND other things too, so i'm afraid i might not be GREAT at anything. what if it turns out i am destined to live a life of complete balance in all aspects, not excelling in a single one? how then can i possibly be destined for greatness when my path is clearly marked as one destined for overall goodness? dammit! why do i have to be so frickin' perfect??!? WHY WHY WHY???!??!!!

no matter... i will survive this. i have cheated the cosmic order before; once more should not be difficult. watch out people! practice grovelling now while it's still legal! fear me and remember-- EVIL THY NAME IS JAYKIE!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

completely wrong thought of the day:
a: dude, my close-up "icylicious blue" is like icy and blue and all so it's like... cool...
b: dude, my close-up "lemon mint" is like, it has lemons and stuff and it's all...
a: lemony?
b: no dude! it's like it has lemons and mint and stuff so it's like... sweet...
me: dude my close-up "these writers are no talent hacks" is like, so five years ago, and like, it's a total rip-off of dude where's my car which was kinda funny but is like sooo old and sooo not rip-off worthy and like i could've thought of a better ad in my sleep and like you two are like so totally annoying and like i wanna rip out your vocal chords but like the writers are all like... retarded...

What I want to be

do you remember when you were little and people used to ask you what you wanted to be? do you realize your answers, ranging from policeman to fireman to dentist to pimp, sounded absolutely retarded yet perfectly natural for your age? (i myself distinctly recall wanting to be an astronaut) now that you are much older and wiser, do you still have the same answer to that question?

i can honestly say i no longer feel the desire to jump around the moon and ride in a spaceship (unless it involves a trichorder, a phaser and a skin-tight black uniorm... live long and prosper! lololololololol!). now, my answer is a lot more realistic.

i want to be a video game character. to be specific, a fighting game video game character. and, to be even more specific, i want to be an arcade fighting game video game character. okay, for perhaps the last time, for the sake of sheer accuracy, i want to be a snk arcade fighting game video game character.

for the less video game-inclined among us, snk is the company that created many fine video games over the years such as "fatal fury," "king of fighters," "art of fighting" and "metal slug." just think of it this way: their fighting games are like street fighter (i hope you all are familiar with that one, which was made by capcom) only, more often than not, with a whole lot more of the "cool" factor. case in point: capcom's coolest character in my opinion is akuma (aka gouki), whose main claim to fame is the absolutely bitching super attack "shun goku satsu." snk's coolest character is, well, a lot of them are uber-cool: iori yagami (dude, seriously? i gotta explain this one? "asobi wa owari da! koko made da!"/orochi/that damn scarlet hair), kyo kusanagi (what? the jacket oozed kewl), ralf (galactica phantom! yosha!), clark (that grab super is bitchin'!), leona (orochi, that earring bomb), orochi itself (for being orochi itself), krizalid (the costume was nice), seth (the all-purpose striker), kula (gots ta love the ice yo!), k' 9999 (for being a blatant akira rip-off), may lee (love those clothes), and mai (any hormonally-challenged male will remember her for her "maternal assets"...). i know that seems biased, but seriously, snk just plain has cooler characters. as we video gamers like to say, "'nuff said."

in any case, my mind is made up-- i wanna be a snk character. i want him to be an averagely built character with average-length spiky black hair and an aloof expression on his face. he will wear black pants, black shoes, a white shirt and a long, black trenchcoat (kind of like the one aoshi shinomori wears in ruroni kenshin, only black). he will have dark purple eyes. his main "catch" is his ability to generate white flame from his hands (as iori's flame is black/purple and kyo's flame is orange). his name should either be based on mythology or a short, uncommon word (like, say, zeitgeist or sumthin; as long as it sounds intimidating i really don't care what the name means, just as long as it's not something *too* stupid). he won't be a cheap character; he'll be average. he'll have some totally mad wicked sick insane combos, but they'll be so horrendously difficult that only the best of the best will be able to perform them at all, much less consistently. oh, but no infinites though; those suck. i think i'll make him, oh, the nth orochi-incarnate clone who is raised by a kind old japanese couple living by the seaside and the dude is a retired martial arts demi-god who trains me in the art of good though the evil blood within me conflicts this training and there is this deep internal struggle and i join the hero team to try and hunt down the forces that spawned my unholy existence. my ending involves sacrificing myself in order to save everyone else from a massive space station explosion as they escape in this little pod. ok, questions?

my character will have a sort of orochi form as well, the only difference comes in the addition of black gloves, a flame of recca villain-style silver mask where the eyes and mouth are shrouded in darkness, a blood red japanese character (a word for, oh, death, doom, melancholy, destruction... somewhere along those lines) painted at the back of the trenchcoat and a huge-ass deathscythe (say, it takes up a quarter of the screen) complete with ball and chain at the bottom of the handle. this form loses all the white fire-related moves, which are replaced with moves involving (what else?) the deathscythe. this one'll have slower ranged moves and less combo ability, but will have more power and a few added high-priority attacks. newbies will have an absolutely horrible time handling this character, so only serious tourney-level players need apply.

yes, that is what i want to be. thank you for listening to me, mr. snk man, whoever or wherever you are. i'm sure you will use my ideas well. no no, cash is not necessary; the glory and the fame are all i really need, so credit where credit is due ok?! *hem hem whispers* just address the check to [ub3r/L337]>>>:::X_ayrn_maydn_X:::<<<[ub3r/L337] *hem hem*...

sincerely,
a fan

completely wrong thought of the day: seriously, when i was in kinder i wanted to be an astronaut...

Isang patumbalik-isip

hindi ako pinapasok sa sarili kong hayskul. hindi ko alam kung bakit; hindi naman ako mukhang miyembro ng frat na naghahanap ng pwedeng upakan, o kidnapper na naghahanap ng uber-conyotic na batang pwedeng i-hold for ransom (good luck finding one of those along commonwealth avenue), o drug dealer na nagbebenta ng bawal na gamot at nagco-corrupt sa mga kabataan (as if high school kids weren't that corrupted already). hindi, isa akong hamak na alumnus na nais lamang bisitahin ang kanyang adviser noong third year. at oo nga pala, bertdei ngayon ng third year adviser ng karamihan sa mga kaklase ko noong fourth year, at inimbitahan akong sumama sa kanilang munting selebrasyon (datapwa't karamihan sa amin ay mga ustetician na may pasok sa araw na ito, at ang iilang makakapunta ay ang mga peyupster, feufster at mafuans, err, mapuans pala).

nakakabanas. kailangan pa talagang may dahilan ako para bisitahin ang mga tao sa aking pinakamamahal na dps. lecheng admin talaga yan! oh my gosh, it's like, forever talaga, they're so kj! even when i made aral pa there in DPS they're so kj talaga, and even now they're so kj pa rin! that's why nga we make lait to them so much in our dyaryo eh!

siguro isa na yun sa mga dahilan kung bakit tuwang-tuwang-tuwa ako maging staffer ng blue view (the official publication of DPS) noong fourth year ako. pero maliban doon, masaya rin naman talaga gumawa ng dyaryo. akalain mo, habang ang mga kaklase mo'y natutunaw na sa kanilang istet op da art na silid-aralan ay nakatambay ka lang sa air-conditioned IT room at naglalaro ng Monster Rancher sa GBA emulator habang hinihintay na mautusan ka ni ma'am (as a mader op pak, sa isang araw marami na ang tatlong beses akong palabasin ng IT room kasi kadalasan ay trabaho ko lamang gumawa ng mga english articles na kulang. ex. mam: jaykie, gawa ka ng centerfold/editorial/column mo/filler/copyreading/proofreading! ako: sige. *types for half an hour* yan, tapos na.)

yan rin pala, nakakasama ko lagi si mam. ibig-sabihin, lagi akong may pagkakataong ibuhos ang aking angsty tendencies sa isang taong nakakaunawa sa akin. siya lang ang kilala ko noon na hindi dinadaan sa simpleng "gutom ka lang tsong" o "sige, bahala ka" ang mga problema ko. kahit ang mga sagot niya pag minsan ay simpleng "yeah right! *ngiti*" o "you wish! *ngiti*" o "ganyan lang talaga no! *ngiti*" o "a basta! *ngiti*" lamang ay alam kong nauunawaan niya ako kahit paano, at wag ka, laging may kasamang *ngiti*. o diba?

pero dahil rin sa mahusay akong patnugot ng mga lathalain, nakaabot ako ng nationals sa laguna. doon ako nakatagpo ng mga nilalang tulad ko, sina Jam, Alden at Mako. for once, may mga ka-edad ako na ka-vibes ko, na kahit paano ay kapareho ko ng frequency. dati, lagi akong nagsisisi na nasanay na ko makisama sa mga nilalang na apat o higit pang taon ang tanda sa akin. ngunit, laking pasalamat ko noon na hindi naman pala nag-iisa ang mga unique yet complicated individual gaya namin ni william hung sa mundong ito. at na-front page pamandin ako sa Blue View (ilang kopya nito ang pinag-gugupit, finrame, at dinisplay kung saan-saan sa bahay namin. ok lang naman sana kaso ampanget ng itsura ko doon sa picture), at ewan ko kung totoo, pero sa manila bulletin din daw (sa ilalim ng one-page biography, life story, inspiration, hobbies, likes, at dislikes with 5x5 photo ng first placer ay isang maliit na box kung saan naka-arrange ang mga pangalan ng mga runners-up in alphabetical order na hindi man lamang na-mention ang placing. doon lumitaw ang isang panglang "Lagate, Jackie". op kors, teorya lang yan; di ako nagbabasa ng bulletin eh). runner-up lang ako, hindi first. normally, that would be a huge blow to my ego. subalit, sa pagkakataong ito, hindi na ako namroblema. lamang naman ako sa first placer, dahil may mga prendly prends akong nakilala! oo, malamang-lamang may mga nakilala rin siya, pero kahit na, hindi ko nais ipagpalit ang kapalaran naming dalawa.

yan ang aking tadhana noong fourth year ako. dahil sa aking kahusayan sa pag-sulat, deceit, propaganda, bribery at blackmail ay umangat ang hayskul status ko mula "demi-popular" to "demi-god" (nababananas ako at hindi ko talaga makamit ang mainstream success ng "god of all gods" golden boy ng DPS, the ever-popular Japoy). ngayon, alam na ng lahat ng mga DPSers na isa akong social reject na walang magawa sa buhay kundi umangal at umangal at umangal tungkol sa mga walang kwentang bagay sa aking walang kwentang buhay. leche, exposure nga...

kanina nga nakilala pa ko nung isang guard, at closeness kami ng mga guidance counselor pati na rin ng assistant principal at ng principal mismo. pero ayaw pa rin nila ako papasukin. nakakaasar lang talagang isipin na si boy taekwondo ay makakapasok ng walang anu-ano, ang mga table tennis boys ay makakapasok ng hindi sinisita, ang mga nag-runner-up sa LG quiz ay makakapasok ng walang kapruble-prublema, ngunit ako, na isang hamak na manunulat LANG, ay kailangan pang may dahilan para bisitahin ang aking oh-so-special adviser noong third year. para bagang ganito...

guard:
-yo, japs! musta?
-oi, galingan niyo ang pag-training sa table tennis natin a?
-woist, genius boy! sige lang, pasok lang!
-putang ina pakshet sino ka? ba't papasok ka ng walang kadahilanan? tangna mo ka tau gamma ka no?! leche patay ka na ngayon tangna mo masunog ka sa impyerno bwiset hindot ka!!!!! *shoots me in the head several times*

syempre, exaggeration na yan. hindi na kayo nasanay sakin... *sigh*... miss ko na high school. kahit angal ako ng angal noon at batong bato sa klase ay mamimiss ko pa rin pala sila talaga... lecheng kolehiyo 'to! ayoko na! kung alam ko lang na lalapastanganin ang buhay ko dito'y hindi ko na ito hinanap-hanap habang ipinapaliwanag ni ser edge kung bakit asul ang salamin ni simoun! tang inang buhay to!!!!!

completely wrong thought of the day: today's completely wrong thought is brought to you by maroon 5, where songs in vain are songs for jane!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This life has taken its toll on me
I've tried to die too many times before
My heart is bleeding inside of me
And I have no choice, but I don't want to die anymore...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back to ba-frickin'-sics

Chicosci- Shallow Graves
As I stepped inside this dark cathedral
Was glad to see all familiar faces
Are we dying?
Have we outlived ourselves?
Are we gone?
Has our flame burned itself out?
(Why are fresh tears flowing?)
White roses all around us now
(A little prayer, signaling the end)
I made my way to the centerpiece
And saw our own faces staring from the glass
Are we dying?
Have we outlived ourselves?
Are we gone?
Has our flame burned itself out?
(Why are fresh tears flowing?)
White roses all around us now
(A little prayer, signaling the end)
Enter the wake of our design
A funeral to end the last embrace
Enter the wake of our design
A funeral to end the last embrace
Are we dying?
Are we the departed?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sorry, but when a song is as persistent as this one has been with me, i really have no other option. i've been feeling punkish lately. no, not hardcore punkish; pop punkish. like shallow graves right there-- that has a punkish element. so does all downhill from here, ocean avenue, stuff like that. yeah!

oo nga pala, i-phphase out ko na siguro yung what have i learned chenes. if anything, i feel like i'm getting dumber by the day.

nanghihinayang talaga ako dun sa libreng ticket ko para sa concert ngayon sa peyups, yung kasama sa survival kit. alam ko namang hindi pa huli ang lahat, pero nakakatamad lang talaga. *sigh*... i would have liked a channel for my angst though (other than my blog i mean)...

what is with today's weather? one minute i'm melting inside the canteen at vinzons and the next i'm standing in the middle of the as parking lot drenched in the rain. i can practically feel myself getting sick already. oh joy, i get to stay home and complain about how much my life sucks all day long; you, dear reader, truly are blessed.

nanawagan ako sa kung sino mang tao na kakilala kong maaaring nag-suggest sa akin na itawag sa varsity namin ay "UP Fighting Morons". ok ka tsong, whoever you are.

i'll never understand how the students of the self-proclaimed creme de la creme of all universities in the philippines can be reduced to stark raving lunatics in a split-second over something as idiotic as a game of basketball. sure, this kind of behavior is expected from complete and total airheads who can only ask who slept with who, but from the spectacled, freckled, drooling, muselage-concealing nerds that reside in us all? argh! my world is crashing down before me!!!

i have no idea why we, or anyone for that matter, even have to do crap like that. am i really the only person who realizes our MVPs are the players of NU? that said with my limited knowledge on this whole subject should be quite offending, you know. yes, i did just explain my previous statement; i imagine the people who ought to take offense at it are too dense to interpret my words otherwise.

i'm gonna make this as simple as i possibly can-- it eludes me how people who are supposed to be intelligent can be so moronic at the same time. i know, a year in the star section should have answered that question for me, but it really hasn't. but then, the instigators really aren't those of us who read books, right? most of the people who set this fucker off are the ones who slipped right in thanks to their "tito alex" or their "tita nene".

i'm sure that, from your perspective, this isn't really a major crisis or anything, is it? well, it is for me; i don't like having to conform. i hate conformity. i just want to be the lonely, angsty, addicted-to-rock teenager that i am, for the moment at least while it is still justified. because really, when you're 17 you're still expected to screw up and be as stupid as is humanly possible, but when you're 18 you're a bonafide adult. your screw-ups don't amount to seatmate x whispering to former classmate of cousin's gardener's best friend's half-brother-in-law anymore, they now lead to ate inday completely blowing the story out of proportion while telling it to manang sari-sari store.

i hate happiness. i hate love. i don't believe in sunshine. there is only rain... only eternal rain...

completely wrong thought of the day: what, my entry wasn't wrong enough for you? ok, well, there is something i picked up from somewhere...

"torment is never quite as enjoyable as when one is in love."

*hem hem wink wink hem hem* yun lang.

Excerpts from a day-long pot session

always look on the bright side of life... tenen... tenen-tenen-tenen...

when chem 1 makes me snicker or when i get a 93 on my math 17 exam you know my luck is not that bad anymore. when i actually get through my class in soc sci 2 without wishing i was a million miles away you know something's going right. when philo 11 is kinda almost quasi-fun you know either i've snorted some potent narcotic substance that completely altered my perception or i'm dreaming. but demnit, strange as it may sound, all those things actually happened today, and i have no idea what it is i did. i mean, my day must have been excellent; i even got to eat lunch by myself.

what did i do to restore the balance of right in the cosmos? seriously, can someone listen as i re-trace my steps today and tell me what laws of feng shui or stuff like that i obeyed today? i wish i could feel this un-wrong (i don't dare say i feel "good" exactly) all the time.

and to think i felt like crap just one post ago... i told ya i'd snap out of it!

plus, i won't have soc sci 2 at all on thursday since our prof's gonna go to this, erm, thing, whatever that is. woohoo! i get to, err, lounge around the math building for three hours... uhm, maghahanap na nga lang siguro ako kung kanino pwede makisit-in... *twiddles with his fingers* leche, naging tatlong oras pa ang lunch break ko kung saan wala rin naman akong ginagawa kundi tumambay...

oh right, the bright side. wahahahaha...

what have i learned? mood swings suck.

completely wrong thought of the day: heto, isang semi-joke by a chemist to a chemist. anlakas din pala ng trip ng prof namin; akalain mong sa gitna ng isang powerpoint presentation na lecture niya ay lumabas ang isang slide na may problem (syempre wala muna yung sagot). heto siya...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Test Yourself!
What do you get when you combine a Ba atom with two Na atoms?

BANANA!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in fairness, natawa-tawa ako sa banat niyang yan. ngunit, mukhang di lang ako ang may nasinghot ngayong araw na ito a...

The effects of utter boredom

my life isn't peachy, but it's not that bad. i don't live everyday with wide smiles skipping merrily along thinking how beautiful this world is; i get by with the thought that it could be worse. a sad, sad way to live, but not the saddest way to live by any stretch.

wala na akong libangan ngayon. hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero nakakasawa na ang video games. minsan naghahanap na nga lang ako ng dahilan para maglaro e, kumbaga, para ko na ring sinabing naghahanap ako ng dahilan para sayangin ang panahon ko. ayoko na rin manood ng tv; nagsasawa na ko sa mga pelikula, sitcoms, cartoons etc. hindi rin kasi ako mahilig sa mga local e... masubukan nga. heeheehee, excited na akong marinig muli ang mga halimbawa ng napaka-gandang scriptwriting gaya ng "fernando, come here nga. you make putol-putol the kahoy." (take note, hindi conyotic ang accent niyan; isang tauhan sa "te amo" na magsasaka ata ang nagsabi niyan. and for your information, ang kapal ng mukha mo, hindi ko sinusubaybayan yan. nawala lang kasi yung cable nun at yan na lang ang natira sa tv namin. wala na akong magawa nun e! it's not like you've never watched something stupid because there was nothing else to watch! but i digress...)

kahapon, for the first time in a very long time, hindi ako lumabas ng bahay. nanood lang ako ng tv, naglaro ng ps2, etc. pero hindi ako natuwa. minsan nagsasayang na lang ako ng koryente dahil 'di ko naman pinapanood ang palabas sa tv datapwa't bukas pa rin ito. nakatunganga na lang ako sa kisame at nagmumuni-muni na lamang-- paksyet na buhay ito, sino ba ang lecheng nag-sulat ng mga rules ng buhay na ito, tangna kailangan ko na magka-gelprend, pakamatay na lang kaya ako?, at, huli sa lahat, ano man ang mangyari, saan man ako mapadpad, nag-iisa ako sa mundong ito dahil hindi pa ito handa para sa isang taong tulad ko. screw the cosmos and its all-encompassing powers.

alam ko, isa akong self-absorbed na nilalang. napaka-shelfish ko namang tao no, hindi ko man lang naisip na ang daming batang naghihirap araw-araw, na ang daming problemang hinaharap ng ibang tao na 'di hamak na mas malubha sakin, na ang ibang tao'y hindi man lamang marunong mag-ingles. oo, pahamak lang ako sa mundong ito. walang silbi. a drain on the world's limited resources, kuno. hindi marunong mag-sulat sa tagalog. lecheng buhay 'to. ayan na naman, iniisip ang sarili. pero, wag niyo kong pansinin; ganyan lang talaga ako-- i'm cynical by nature. eventually ok na naman ako...

nung linggo nang umaga ko nga pala sinulat ito, at mula noon ay may mga karag-dagang pangyayari pang naganap sa araw na iyan-- muntik na ko masgasaan ng kotseng naka-reverse na minamaneho ng isang uunga-ungang babaeng hindi tinitingnan ang kanyang daanan, na-flatan ang kotse ng ate ko pauwi, at hindi na naman kami nakapag-simba. kay saya ng buhay...

what have i learned? i'm the type of person who makes other people feel good about themselves just by seeing how hideous i am, and i'm ok with that; if that's the hand you're dealt then play 'em like a man, right?

completely wrong thought of the day: i've always wanted to work something into a screenplay, like, about an antagonist to the protagonist right before the conclusion of the final battle...

"why do you choose to fight? do you not know you have already won? they shall mourn your death while they celebrate my own! but you continue to persist... so be it. come now; i shall acquaint thee with thine creator!"

anme + RPGs= those last lines...

The art of making friendsters

Seether- Broken
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ano ba naman yan... songs na naman! well, last na to. pwamis! ok, well, i really don't know, but that oughta do for now.

it dawned on me today-- i had been in UP for a month and i had one friend, whom i am really grateful to have by the way. still, i realize that i need other people whom i can call my friends in order to survive as a math major and possible lawyer. i came to this conclusion because i thought there are many different types of friends dependent on need, and my one friend does not satisfy them all (so she is no "one friend to rule them all"... wahaha! that was a spoof on LOTR!). oh, but don't get me wrong; if i HAD to spend the rest of my peyupster life with only one friend, i'd choose her in a heartbeat. uy, flattered yan! hehehe... she frequents this blog quite often actually... do you think you can figure out who she is? oh well... here's hoping you're not completely dense! (by the by, when i say "my friend" from now on, i am referring to her; i don't wanna use her name cuz, well, i don't have permission to invade her privacy in that manner... O_o)

anyway, i figure friendship is based on our different needs from people. i'm not saying our sole purpose for making or having friends is our own personal need, it's just that, we need certain things from other people. confused? just read on a bit...

Legend:
[type of friend]- [number i currently have in UP]/[minimum number i need]
[description, stuffs, whatever]
*note: all the left-side ones are filled in by my one current friend, just so you know...*

the twisted tendencies friend- 1/1
me: so like, my mom says there aren't too many relatives left in her mother's side of the family cuz they were all butchers...
friend: ...so, what happened? did they all fall into this giant meat grinder and come out as hamburgers??!?
me: err, no, they had heart disease from eating so much pork. that was my first hypothesis, though...
hehehe... my friend fits rather well into this description. more couldn't hurt though...

the basketball friend- 0/1
me: tangna dude lakas ni yao kagabi!
friend: wak ka ganyan pare... lam naman natin pareho c stevie nagpapanalo sa kanila e!
not the kind who yaps on and on about lay-ups and post moves and stuff like that, just the kind who watches the nba.

the obscure music friend- 0/1
me: baby when i heard you...
friend: ...for the first time i knew...
chorus: ...we were meant to be as one...
my musical tastes are not that poppy; i like some stuff that no one else does. dati may friend akong trip din c kylie minogue, mga trance, etc. you know, stuff like that, but she was also really into 90s pop rock/grunge plus hip hop and rnb. aww yeah! sana lang talaga makatagpo ako ng nilalang na nakikinig ng mga kanta ng audioslave na wala sa radyo/tv...

the conyotic friend- 0/1
friend: my golly goshness, it's like, so grabe talaga, so kadiri nga eh! it's like, ewww! i'll never make kain that talaga!
me: erm, yeah, sure. so totally. haler?!
wala lang. trippy eh.

the video gamer friend- 0/3
friend: dude ano tekken tag?!
me: ulul! tangna asa pa! boy bano ka naman tsong e!
friend: pak u ka pare... no match ka sakin boy! no mats!
oo, ganyan talaga magsalita ang mga maaangas na video gamer tulad ko. haay... kakamis!

the coffee friend- 1/1
the coffee friend has no specific dialogue; qualifications only require that my coffee friend agree to have coffee with me from time to time. hindi pa official yung 1 na yan since di pa naman kami nagkakaron ng actual coffee appointment, pero may usapan na kami, and so far, negotiations seem to be doing ok.

the trekkie friend- 0/1
me: live long and prosper.
friend: that is irrelevant. i will not comply. you will be assimilated.

the RPGer friend- 0/1
friend: hail, o master of torment and irreverence! i bid thee good tidings on this most beautiful night of nights!
me: hail, maiden of the moonlight! to what dost we mortals owe the honor of thine presence? perchance the land of eternal rain no longer require so great and powerful a mistress as thee?

the pure angst friend- 0/1
me: i hate my life.
friend: lucky bastard. i hate the world. i hate the fact that we exist in the first place. i hate everyone. i hate myself. i want to die.
me: kewl. wanna have lunch?
friend: ok.

the pseudo-poet spaced-out friend- 0/1
me: oh, it's raining...
friend: the rain... like angels' tears falling from the heavens, wishing our sins be purged... don't you love how it does that? how it seems to wash everything clean? how it seems to purify our souls by merely living out its purpose? i love the rain... in the end, we are all like that, you know... we are all but drops of rain...
me: oh no, it's not raining. oh my! ang late na pala! andyan na pala ang buwan.
friend: the moon... floating so high above us...
me: ...ok, i get it. psycho.

the "make fun of everything" friend- 1/4
anyone who watches iron chef qualifies for this, but keep in mind, that is not a pre-requisite. basically, we make fun of everything.

the girlfriend- 0/1 and only 1
i'm 17 m qc, i'm a math major in UP Diliman, i will love you but good. miscol me at 09********* i'm h*t and h*rny no gays pls thx O_o *shivers* i seriously hope you knew i was kidding... you knew that, right?! God! how dense could you get??!? oops! did i say that out loud? *no wonder i'm still single... >_<*

and that will be all for now. if i remember anything else i might follow this all up sometime.

what have i learned? one month has passed and i'm still alone... not completely, but in a lot of ways... *screams "i'm tired of being alone/so hurry up and get here"*

completely wrong thought of the day: "i hate butterflies! i hate the sun! i hate vast grassy meadows with yellow and pink flowers! i hate little children playing in a brook with crystal clear waters! there is no joy in life; there is only pain! do you hear me?! THERE IS ONLY PAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!" -an exaggerated thought from the mind of my friend jam. ayan ha! andami mo nang endorsement sa blog ko! wahahahaha! yes, i know, you never asked for that, pero ala lng, andaming beses ko kasi nagamit ang pangalan mo eh... wahahahaha...

Dance Dance Revolutionary

311- Love Song

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sorry talaga kung maka-songs ako ngayon... wahaha... pero, wala lang, trip na trip ko rin yan recently e. why ba? it's nice naman eh davah?!

yung dati pala na lyrics ay "ghost in you" by counting crows. remake na yun eh, the orig was a new wave song like i said and, unfortunately, i have no idea who sang it, so anyway, mga 80s pa yun, pero yung remake itself ay matanda-tanda na rin, say, early to mid 90s? mga ganun.

yesterday was my dad's birthday. we really didn't do anything, because the night before he had all his friends over and they decided to have a sleepover! they talked all night and shared secrets like who their crushes are, then they braided their hair and had pillow fights and played crank calls on people while giggling...

ok, i dunno about you, but that totally grossed me out. let's move on.

so my sister had this friend who arranged for the five of us (me, ate, her boyfriend, her friend, her friend's brother) to watch spider-man 2 in glorietta 4. ha! my luck was getting better after all! so we got there and there just weren't any tickets, as is common on opening night as far as big name movies are concerned. luckily, my sister's friend had already pre-purchased tickets. however, it turns out we could not use them for the 6pm showing; we would have to wait for the LFS by 9pm, which was a problem because our friends had a very early curfew. they tried reasoning with their mother for an extension, but no such luck-- a minute later than the arranged time and their father would have popped a vein. with no alternative in sight, they just offered us the tickets. of course, we refused at first, but seeing what a shame it would be to waste 'em on account of they were only valid on that day, we gratefully accepted them.

we had some time to kill before 9, so i did some errands. i looked around national for two books; introduction to logic by copi and prism by, err, some dude that starts with t. well, i got prism, but copi's book is next to impossible to find. gawd, i hate that i lost that book. oh well, whatever.

it was barely 7:30 and we still had nothing to do. i went to the arcade and blew some cash. would you imagine, i was able to do 2 songs on SSR in dance dance revolution? and with a sprain, no less! and here's the kicker: i'm the fattest boy in the world!!! yeah, i actually think that's a record, me being the fattest SSR DDRer ever. anyway, i kicked the crap out of those old people who were tripping with the pad. hehehe... i still gots teh mad dancing skeelz!!!

after that, we lined up to watch the movie. i'm not gonna write a full-blown review on spider man 2, but i will make some comments. first, i liked that they didn't stick to a bonafide comic book story. what they did was, they took the characters and told a story all their own (not *that* far on their own however). this is plausible in this case because, unlike hp and lotr, you really only have to be faithful to the characters, and that they were. second, i'd say it lived up to all the hype. i mean, c'mon, there wasn't that much hype surrounding it (in comparison to the first at least), plus it really was a satisfying movie-going experience. third, the feel is much, much darker than the first, which is good because they took the geeky doctor octopus who wore tights and crap and turned him into this uber-cool psycho in a trenchcoat. wicked.

the movie wasn't perfect, though, but i'll leave that for you to find out.

what have i learned? i still gots teh mad skills baby!

completely wrong thought of the day: as you may have noticed, we had two extra tickets, since five were pre-purchased and only three were used (for my sister, her boyfriend and myself). so, we decided to give the tickets away. now, my sister's boyfriend wanted to give the tickets to children, but me and my sister agreed that that would make him look like a pedophile. my sister suggested that i approach a cute girl and say "i'll trade you these tickets for your phone number," but i didn't like that idea very much, nor do i like anything that could get me sued or arrested, for that matter. i suppose the most logical path was that of my sister, who opted to find someone with a good heart to give the tickets to. no such luck. then, she came up with the most brilliant idea of the day...

sis: i know! let's give the tickets to someone destitute! c'mon guys, help me look for poor people!
me: sister... you're in glorietta 4. think about that a minute.
sis: oh. right.

however, destitute or not, they were able to give away the tickets to some family. hm, i dunno why, but when things like that happen in real life, the first thing that comes to my mind is "church story." you know, like, what if that family was actually a bunch of atheists and my sister's kindness convinced them in the existence of God or something like that? you never know...