Santa Worshippers

Today's Musical Inclination: Carol Banawa - Stay

Why did you have to leave me
When you said that love will conquer all?
Why did you have to leave me?
When you said that dreaming
Was as good as reality

-*sniff*... I mean, err, this girl I used to like sang this for our practical test in music. That was in third year high school. I just remembered it all of a sudden is all. Not like it has any meaning or anything... ahahahaha... *looks around nervously*
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I've been thinking. The western concept of Santa Claus is some jolly old fat guy with white hair and all. I figure that's because this is their idea of what a warm, loving human being should look like. So what about the pinoy Santa Claus? What would he hypothetically look like?

The first thing that came to my mind was FPJ, God rest his soul. I never did find his brief political stint tasteful, but he is in the end a man of integrity, one that the vast majority if not all of the Filipino people adore or at the very least respect. But anyway, Santa Claus? Not quite. I figure pinoy kids wouldn't like the possibility that Santa could unleash a furious pompyang combo attack upon them had they been naughty throughout the year.

What about Dolphy? Funny, warm-looking, a good person. But then I remembered the times when I used to watch Home Along Da Riles. He would whack Babalu over the head whenever the guy screwed up. Hehe. Gotta love slapstick as a kid. Still, that's not something you'd really look for in the modern corporeal embodiment of the biggest holiday of the year. Next!

That's where I stopped dead in my tracks. Come to think of it, I can remember no prominent personage in history who looks anything like the fat guy. When I see him, he just looks like a grandpa. A nice, old grandpa who lets you sit on his knee and tells you stories about finding lost treasure in Paraguay or travelling freak shows. I didn't think that would go over too well with the PI though; most of our old guys are flat out crazy.

So there. I still haven't come up with anything. I think I should stop at that... there is a lot more to be done than to worry about some guy who doesn't even exist.
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Completely Wrong Thought of the Day:

Yes, you heard me. He doesn't exist. If he did, I'd get the one tiny little practically negligible thing that I wanted all year. But nooo... It doesn't help that I haven't smoked, gotten drunk or done drugs all year long. I didn't stay out any later than I should have, got good grades and didn't freakin' do freakin' anything with my freakin' life. I just shut up, read books, tended to my hobbies and watched TV. Apparently, none of that is enough to get you on the "nice list." Well la-dee-da. If I ever do find this nonexistent bastard, I'ma put a hole right in his head. And I'll kill the Saint Patrick's Day Leprechaun too. And Jack Skellington. And the Easter Bunny. And Cupid! Definitely Cupid! I'ma choke that guy until he's freakin' dry! I'll sink some arrows right into his chest and see how much he likes it. And the, err, the New Year's, um... Dragon... type... thing! You know, the one with like, fangs and claws and a tail and, uhh, dragony stuff! The one that ate the moon and stole the stars! He's the one who spat on meteorites and sent them flying to the earth, and when it hit the ground the thing exploded into lots of colors, so some guy who saw him do that said "Do that again!" so the dragon did and that's how they invented fireworks. Yes. Fireworks are nothing more than meteorites and dragon spit. Well they used to be, but now they're just these little powder-filled thingies. Back in the 1850's, the dragons got so tired of being caught and harnessed for their spit during the ber months to make fireworks that they all decided to commit suicide, 'cause they couldn't taste anything without spit. And that's why there are no more dragons during this day and age.

Happy Holidays to you and yours! :D

Romance is Insane

Today's Musical Inclination: 112 - Cupid

Cupid Cupid doesn't lie
But you won't know unless you give it a try
Oh baby, true love won't lie but we won't know
Unless we give it a try, give it a try

-Gah. We went to this wedding yesterday and I heard this song like three times or more. It's nice yeah, but, well... I shall elaborate anyway.
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At some point during our close family friend's wedding, I felt like heading for the door and running like hell away from there. No, it wasn't the food, or the place, or the company, all of which were excellent. What concerned me was the music. It's not that it sucked. Quite the contrary, it was your typical wedding music. But that's just it. I don't like wedding music. Well I do, but I don't.

Wedding music makes me feel "romantic"... or queasy. Or both. I'm guessing both. Anyway, when I get like that, I tend to think of her. I try not to, but I always end up doing so anyway, and I don't like that. I don't like thinking of her. I hate thinking of her. Mind, I don't hate her, I just don't like being reminded that I'm utterly and totally screwed for the rest of my life because the universe has conspired against me and so it has been fated that I may never be with her in that-sort-of-way for as long as we both shall live. Amen.

That's ok though. I mean, love is so weak. It's an utterly horrible experience. Never in my life do I feel any weaker than when my mind is flooded with such awful pseudo-romanticisms. And believe you me, I don't like being weak. Call me weird, but that just isn't something that I, on the whole, enjoy.
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Completely Wrong Thought of the Day: So it's 12mn, we're headed to Paranaque all the way from Pampanga. We're stuffed from the wedding, mostly from the desserts, although there was this tapioca pudding that me and my sister really wanted to try. Unfortunately, we ran out of the stuff fairly quickly. I think it's a fair assessment to say that the stuff must have been pretty good; my sister claims to have seen her ninong devour one plate in only five spoonfuls.

Anyway, on our way home, mom got this idea to get some Chinese food for dad. Being the only male in the vehicle other than the driver, I was tasked to step out of the car and buy the food. The driver would of course be needed for moving the car around in no-parking-space situations, such as we had last night, ergo I was the obvious second choice. So I got there and ordered, but the food took forever. I must have spent 45 minutes in there. While I handle waiting quite well, I can be a little insane sometimes. Ok, a lot insane. In those 45 minutes, I came up with this musical in my head, a musical that encapsulates my experience in the Chinese restaurant.
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The Park of the North

Me: I would like to buy some Chinese food
I came here 'cause I heard this place was good
Lady A: Very good choice sir, right this way!
What would you like to order today?
Me: I would like some salted fish fried rice
Lady A: Excellent choice sir, that's quite nice!
Me: And an order of your toast chow mein
Lady A: Sure, but be wary, the sauce stains
Me: Last I would like fish fillet hot pot
Lady A: I've got all your orders, this is what you've got
Rice and noodles and some fish
I shall return carrying your wish...

Me: Waiting, waiting, waiting
Waiting, waiting, waiting
I am waiting
So frustrating
This is getting irritating
Let's see what I can relating
All these critics overrating
While the democrat is stating
Something something in debating
That other guy's lowest rating
This place is asphyxiating
All these worms should make good baiting
People staring, why they hating?
Man I feel like mastur--
Lady A: We're sorry sir, your food will be ready in a while

Me: Hurry up with that! I've been waiting forever!
Wise Old Waiter: What is forever but a day that does not end?
A leaf that never falls or a line that does not bend?
Forever might take up until the earth kisses the moon
But worry not, for in this case, forever's merely soon...
Me: But I'm still waiting!

Lady B: Oh you've come at a very bad time...
Me: Prepostorous! I am guilty of no crime!
Restaurant Crew: Oh yes you are!
Me: Oh no I'm not!
Restaurant Crew: Oh yes you are!
Me: Oh no I'm not!
Restaurant Crew: Then how did our delivery boy get shooooottttt????!?!?!!!!
Me: You can't pin that act on me!
I've been waiting for eternity!
I've been sitting here all this time,
I could not have done that crime!
Lady B: You are speaking bullshit! Wait... the hell?!
This boy has just shot himself!
We're so sorry sir, you are so right
Here is your food now have a good night...

*Applause*
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The Park of the North and all its lines and dialogues and shit are owned by me. Plagiarism is bad esse. Don't go stealing nu'n lest you wish to wake up underwater.

Erm, can anyone help me make a better copyright statement? *scratches head*

Physician or Psychiatrist?

It says 1:11 am on my PC clock. Time to make a wish. I wish to be stranded in the land of dreams tonight. At the rate I'm going, no nightmare can be emptier or sadder than my conscious seems to be.

My right hand is twitching. One of my knuckles is kinda purplish, and my right index finger hurts whenever I bend it. I suppose it isn't so bad. It's a distraction, anyway. The thought of playing with sharp objects did cross my mind, but I don't wanna get tetanus from weight training.

My life is slowly catching up with me. The more I think about it, the more I want to end it. It's a little tiring for me to elaborate so I'll forego the melodrama on this occasion.

I actually stepped out to buy The Barbs' Lupine Peroxide album earlier today. It didn't do shit. I suppose the walk made me appreciate the night lights of the streets around Panay Avenue, but that lasted all of ten seconds. Ok, I'll admit, Massive Crush was pretty cool, but even that didn't make me feel a whole lot better.

And here I am. Typing. Typing typing typing. That's the only cure I've ever known. So I hope I get cured of my insomnia. The sooner I get to sleep, the sooner I can get stuck inside a dream.

Ahh, who am I kidding? Right now, I feel like I could stay here all night. There's not a thing in this world that can snap me out of this downward spiral of despair and hopelessness...

Kung sa Harvard na Lang Kaya Ako Napadpad?

Slipknot - Vermillion

I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real! I can't make her real!
She isn't real! I can't make her real!
She isn't real... I can't make her real...
She isn't real... I can't make her real...

-Did you guys really need a lyrics post? Cause I dunno. Vermillion is just a lot of screaming and stuff. I like it though, for some reason.
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Anlabo. Anlabo talaga. Kasi, ano. May cactus. Cactuses pala. Ay mali. Cactii. Teknikal pala tayo dito. Mga siyentipiko. Leche. Ang boring ng Nat Sci 1. I am teh stuck in teh vortex of doom. Parang black hole. Ano yun? Ah oo. Yung cactii. O yan ha, maayos na. Ayan. Cactii. Sumasabog sila. Marami sila, tas sasabog sila isa-isa. Ewan kung bakit. Napupuno ata ng hangin.

Tas ano pa, may scholarship ako galing ng Japan. Oo. Kaya yumaman ako kahit paano. Kaso, sumabog kasi yung mga cactii eh. Lecheng cactii yan. Imbes na maka-ipon ako, nawalan pa ko ng pera. Naging negative cash pa. Kasi nga yung cactii. Saka pine trees. Lumobo yung mga cactii, tas sumabog. Yung mga pine tree di ko man nakita pero nandun sa papel eh. Pinabayad ba naman sakin! Demit men... Nawala tuloy scholarship ko.

Tas yun, nagising na ko.
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Alas nuwebe na pala... hindi ko akalaing siyam na oras ako makakatulog. Pagod nga ako, pero hindi ko naman naisip na ganun kalubha ang pagod ko. Oo, naglakad nga ako, pero lagi naman akong naglalakad. Siguro nasobrahan lang ako sa heavy lifting. Maliban sa pagkakaroon ko ng PE na weight training, pinag-buhat pa nila ako ng ohp kahapon, para sa kas 1. Ayos lang, kasi wala naman akong silbi sa grupo eh. Ganun naman palagi eh. Palibhasa hindi ako inuutusan. Ganun lang naman kadali yun eh, wala naman. May pinagawa naman sakin: the roles of females in primitive society, Yun nga lang, pagdating sa reporting, ako lang ata walang pictures. Na-disappoint ata tuloy sina klasmeyts. Sorry po, ganyan lang talaga. I don't like pictures kasi I'm not photogenic eh...

Nagmadali pa man din akong maka-akyat ng CAL, kasi medyo late na ko para sa eng 10. Ngunit, ano ito? Ang prof namin ay may sakit at hindi matutuloy ang klase? O hinde! Hindi ito maaari! Err, pero, sa totoo niyan, ayos na rin. Gusto ko na ring pumunta ng mb nun eh. Saka, aba, nag-text pa! Gamit niya ang chikka (syempre, dahil sino nga ba ang hindi gumagamit ng chikka?). Por eng 10 parposes daw. Plis aknoleyds. O sige, reply. "Aknoleydsd po!" Naks. Pormal na pormal. Parang secret agent. Kaso, 'pinas nga pala 'to. Wala tayong secret agent. Sana meron, para matagal na nating napapatay yung mga walang kwentang nagpapa-bulshet ng buhay dito. Pero wala eh. Yun.

Kaya diretso ako ng mb. Ay teka, mineral break pala muna (mineral water, ungas). Tas mb. Nakita ko dun si blockmate-and-former-dps-classmate, na siyang nag-aaral para sa Philo. Kaya dun muna ko tumambay, kasi wala akong ibang tatambayan. Inumpluwensyahan ko pa ng rak. Hindi hardcore ah, pinoy rak lang saka medyo mainstream rak. Chicosci, Kjwan, Urbandub (gusto ko sanang pakinggan yung New Tatoo kaso di ko mahanap *gasp!*) at Audioslave. Oo. Dyan nagsisimula ang mga thrasher rakistas. Buti pa nga. In all fairness, medyo boring kasi yun eh. If I have to be seen around her (dahil kaklase ko siya sa mth 63 at nat sci 1), she has to grow an edge man. Maybe if she went to school all clad in black with a pentagram necklace and some mascara under her eyes it wouldn't be so bad.

Bad trip talaga!!! Ang baba ng grade ko sa first exam sa math 63! 80 amputa! 80!!! Kahindik-hindik!!! Tang ina, nakakahiya. Parang ayoko na tuloy ipakita ang pagmumukha ko sa UP. Tang ina talaga. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Sorry po oblation, I have failed you... hindi na ako karapat-dapat mabuhay. Patayin niyo na lang ako. Dahil sa 80% na equivalent ng 2.25 ata, malabo na akong makapag-shift niyan. At pano na ang mga pangarap ko niyan? Sa tingin niyo ba'y may accounting lawyer na nakakuha ng 80% sa isang hamak na math 63 exam? Aba aba, hindi maaari yan. Kaya patayin niyo na lang ako, kaysa naman maging professor ako sa math.

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pagkatapos ng math 63, heto na tayo sa Vortex of Doom. Nat Sci 1. Men, wala talaga akong naintindihan. Sasabihin ko ulit ha, para sobrang linaw natin. WALA. Yan ang naintindihan ko. Pagkatapos niyan, pumunta pa ko ng SC at bumili ng refill ng .3 na gtec, tas DPS, tas SC ulit, tas greenhills, tas uwi na. Mahaba rin naman ang araw ko, pero kahit na, hindi ko akalaing alas nuwebe ako magigising ngayon.
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Bad trip. Honga pala, bad trip ako. Medyo. Kainis. Basta. Yun.
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Completely Wrong Thought of the Day:
Sins of the Past

It's like this. I had this best friend who had, at one time, seven different girlfriends. Yes that's right. All at the same time. The thing is, now that I haven't seen the guy in over a year and we're completely devoid of all contact with each other, some (well ok, just one in particular) of these girls now happen to think I'm their best friend. You know, like, she texts almost everyday, miss call, try to get my landline... I'm too nice to tell her, "I don't even know you! STAY AWAY FROM MEEEE!!!!!" so I just kinda take it. I'm always, "hehe, yeah, sure, ok... right." She doesn't get it! She's still at it man! It gets annoying. Gah. How do you get rid of people like that anyway?

I guess the universe just really enjoys screwing with me. Here I am being punished for something that I had no part in. Come on... he was my friend, sure. So what? Why should I be constantly pestered when their business is with him and not at all with me?

Sins of the past. I have a few too many. Guess what? I never learn, either. So there will be more. A lot more. I can feel it already. Because that's what I do. That is my purpose. I screw up. I drain natural resources. That's all I'm ever good for.

Redemption. Possible? Hah. Unlikely.

She Sells Sanctuary

today's musical inclination:
Veruca Salt - Loneliness is Worse

When you’ve had enough
When you’ve got it bad enough and you can’t let go
When it comes to blows
And you start to overflow
And you can’t get home
It’s a subtle kind of cruel
It taps my spine here
I’m drawing a line
I’m asking please

Don’t you wanna be happy with me?
I’m afraid if you don’t come around soon I’ll turn sadder than you ever were
And you’ll learn loneliness is worse
You’ve got to try

December’s all alone and he’s calling me on the phone
But he sounds so cold
He says he loves me so
But how would I ever know?
Certain words grow old
It’s a vicious kind of catch
It sides me blind now
I’m out of my mind
I want to scream

Don’t you wanna be happy with me?
I’m afraid if you don’t come around soon I’ll turn sadder than you ever were
And you’ll learn loneliness is worse
You’ve got to try

Love liked me long ago
It had a way of making everyone the same
But now the angels must laugh and sigh
To hear me pleading with you
And needing you this way
Oh why?

Don’t you wanna be happy with me?
I’m afraid if you don’t come around soon I’ll turn sadder than you ever were
And you’ll learn loneliness is worse
You’ve got to try to stay mine all the way

-I'm not fond of posting whole lyrics anymore, but I love this song. I must have listened to it a gazillion times now and I'm still not sick of it. It's just so... so sad... *sniff* (thanks again to cnbgirl for the wicked mp3)
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I have this theory: there is only a limited number of times that one can say the word "haller?!" or any of its variations and likenesses (i.e. tC oLwEiz, mUaH, LabShU, fwend, hellers, byErz, etc.) before he goes insane, or at the very least gets significantly dumber. Lately, I feel like I've fallen victim to my own theorem. Not that I choose to be, really, it's just that I don't have much of a choice.

Let me clear something up. I never use those aforementioned words. Well, maybe not never, just very rarely ever. What I have been using are these: O_o o.o ^__^ @_@ >.< >____> (,") XD and so on and so forth. Doesn't that have the same effect on me anyway? Don't they look just as stupid as the other words sound?

It basically boils down to the fact that there are really only three people who get me, and I mean really get me. These are the three people I run to whenever there is some sort of qualm or rant that I must dispose of. I don't know exactly what makes them so different from other people, but for some reason I just feel right talking to them. They're like my sanctuary... or my mental institution. My good mental institution I mean, not the type that puts you in a straight jacket and locks you up for life.

Thing is, I can't reach any of them anymore. Two are in the CMC over at UP, but Pasky's all busy with her UJP stuffs and whatnot, while Jam's sked is a complete parallel with mine (yes, in a Euclidean geometric system please, the kind where they never intersect). The other one, Nikka, lives in California, so catching her online can be a tad difficult at times.

It's not that I want them to feel compelled to absorb my lunacy. I prolly just miss 'em, that's all. It sucks not having anyone to talk to about stuff you don't usually talk about with other people. I think everyone has that inner sanctum only to be found in a few others, and I am no exception. Sure there's my blog, but it just isn't the same...

The moral of the story? Hope is bad, especially when you place it in the hands of other people. The fact that they can break it means they have, or they will.

Disclaimer: The previous statement does not apply to the three people mentioned, who are saints for putting up with my bullshit and have done nothing wrong. Seriously, I mean that. I'm actually starting to enjoy keeping all my lunacy to myself lately. It can be quite nice. I really just put that down because it sounded kinda cool and it would be a shame if I forgot to save it for posterity. So, if any of the three of you are reading, no offense, all right? I understand, so it's only fair that you should too. So there. End of discussion.
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Completely Wrong Thought of the Day:
Let's Go Metro!

No, I haven't been using St. Ives' Apricot Scrub. I never will. The thought of me saying, "Men, saglit lang, Apricot Scrub break lang..." is just way too weird. Lately, however, I've stopped using Likas Papaya Soap (which I could really use on account of the sun baking me as I walk around the UP campus). I wouldn't have stopped using it, except mom has this freaky purple soap that smells like grapes. I like the scent. It's quite subtle yet delectable in that it is something like a tangy bubble gum flavor. I mix that up with raspberry sorbet, a bubble bath that has gone unused over the years (well not that many years). Nice. I smell like cotton candy. Then there's my shampoo. I never thought putting coal tar (yes I'm serious) on my hair would be the greatest idea ever, but it's not that bad. One thing though: it smells like turpentine. That's partially why I own a bit of Cream Silk leave-on moisturizer, that is, other than the fact that the harsh Diliman conditions leave my hair drier than death valley. It smells kinda girly, but hey, it works.

Just one last thing: I love my black leather shoes. I don't care that they kinda pinch my toes, that everyone else is wearing either rubber shoes or sandals, or even that they so totally do not mesh with my 10-year-old-gamer-slash-skate-punk ensemble. I love them. They give my soles extra protection from the rough sidewalks around UP, something that my thin-soled Dadas have never been able to do. I love my black leathers. Take them away from me at the risk of dying a most horrible yet mysterious death. Err, I mean, a risk increased to the levels between "very very likely" and "OMG WTF is that monkey doing with a chainsaw AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!"